Three's A Crowd
by pigwiz
Summary: Another slightly crazed slightly future fic from me, myself and I.
1. Party Time!

**Thanks just gobs to seddiefan2009 and SamLovesHam92. Entire sections of this story are due to their inspiration. Insert curtsey here… **

**If you haven't read their stuff, you better go do it now, pilgrim! Thanks again for reading this! Enjoy! Have a bagel!**

**-pig-**

* * *

Three's A Crowd

1. Graduation Night

Mrs. Puckett was truly amazed. Her identical twin daughters had graduated from high school. It wasn't all that amazing that Melanie had succeeded, that had pretty much been a given. Samantha on the other hand… Well, where Sam was concerned, it was always 'on the other hand'. Regardless, Mrs. Puckett was proud of both her daughters, and had thrown them the party to end all parties. Even the hoboes were singing hobo songs on the other side of the fence.

Everybody was at the party! The house was rockin' and individual dance styles had gone by the wayside as Gibbie was leading nearly a hundred semi-sober new high school graduates around in a strangely choreographed combination of a square dance that included a huge mosh pit. While square dance and mosh pit are generally not invoked in the same sentence, we are talkin' Gibbie here…

Off to the side, taking all this in stood our three friends, Carly, Sam and Freddie. Oh yes, Norm was there also. Norm is Carly's boyfriend, kind of, this week. The four were in awe of the line of kids following Gibbie's lead.

Beside Carly and Norm, there's Sam and Freddie. No one is sure just what they are. Are they a couple? Dating? A significant other? What? If you ask them you get different answers. It all depends on who you ask, and when. Maybe the best answer was Freddie's a few months ago, when he said, "Huh? What? Sam?" While that really doesn't make much sense, it's better than some of the other answers that the two teenagers have given.

The good thing is that the future is looking pretty rosy for the three. First, all three were accepted at the University of Washington. This wasn't a feat for Carly or Freddie, but for Sam… Freddie had concocted some very inventive verbiage and near facts to get her application accepted. Second, they each had a tidy little income. Freddie and Sam had finally convinced Carly to allow advertising on the iCarly web site. While they had been worried about this type of thing after the shoe fiasco, all three monitored all the ad's to insure there was no 'flubs' as Sam put it.

So, on went the romping and stomping, much to everyone's delight. Unfortunately, there was a hint of evil in the air, and it wasn't caused by the bean dip.

Over at Bushwell Plaza, Freddie's mother was sitting happily at her oh so sterile, vermin free desk opening the days mail. This little chore required a Category 18, Maximum Security Hazmat Suit, since one could never tell just who had licked the stamps. Soon, she had finished micro-blasting the contents of each envelope in her portable ion-chamber. Now the mail was deemed safe for the household, and safe to be read.

Sorting through the notes and letters, she noticed one looked slightly official…

'Dear Mrs. Benson,

It gives us great pleasure to offer you the position you applied for:

Cleanliness Coordinator, Shiny Bright Industries located in Dustbegone, New York.

Could you please contact us…'

"Good heavens" she thought, "I got the position! I got my dream job! Well now! I better get packed! We're moving to New York!"

While most of the kids at the party had agreed to turn over their car keys to Mrs. Puckett and spend the night, Freddie wasn't held to that. It was an established fact that he just wasn't a drinker. He certainly wasn't a prude, and had been known to 'tie one on' on occasion. It was just that he could take it or leave it. This, of course, made him the perfect 'desidriver' for his friends.

Looking around, he noticed that Norm was trying to get friendly with Carly, and Carly was getting sort of friendly back. They had both been drinking rum soaked lime smoothies for the last hour and a half. They were so toasted… Sam had been observing their antics with disdain. Her Mush-O-Meter had a low threshold, and she was nearly gagging. She walked away from the group in search of something interesting to drink.

Hmmm… Root Beer and Gin? Beer? Nah… Vermouth, vodka, bourbon, rye and scotch mixed with watermelon juice, raw peaches and bacon bits? Come to mama! Yea baby, that's for me! As she finished mixing her drink, she turned back around to see her sister, Mel, chatting up Freddie. This was not good. Sam had been pretty sure that Melanie has a 'thing' for Freddie. Now, she was positive. This wasn't good.

Melanie wasn't tipsy, she was hammered. Mel had been having 'eency li'l sips' (twelve ounce gulps) of some concoction her Uncle Carmine had made all day. As Sam walked up to the pair, she could see that Freddie was annoyed with Melanie's advances.

Melanie was oblivious, to pretty much everything…

"…'mon Feddie, les dance, k?" Mel slurred while hanging off his chest, her arms wrapped around his neck. Melanie seemed to be trying to do a 'bump and grind' with Freddie. In her condition it was looking more like a stumble and scrape.

"Melanie, stop OK? Let's go sit down here and rest, alright?" Freddie said.

He'd noticed Sam walking up behind her twin sister, and motioned for her to help get her in a chair just a few feet away. Sam helped extract her sister from around Freddie's neck and got her going toward the chair.

"Feddie, les dance… is a slow dance… like slow dance…"

"Can't do that Mel." Freddie said while they got her in the chair. "Sam would get mad at me."

Melanie started to shake her head "Naw, shes not get mad, don care! She toll me she din like you anyways, so les dance… I like you lots."

Sam stared hard at her sister, Freddie looked at Sam.

"Is that right Sam, you don't care?"

Sam looked at Freddie, her expression was unreadable. Then she turned back to her sister with a look of murder in her eyes.

"That's right nub. Go ahead."

Fred nodded, turned and walked toward the side of the house, letting himself out the side gate. He turned around to latch the gate and saw Sam, glaring at him. He glared back and walked on to his car. He didn't even remember the drive home, the ride up the elevator or entering the apartment. His mother was excited about something, but he pretty much glossed it over, smiled at her and went to his room…

Fred lay on the top of his bed, staring at the ceiling… 'Wait…' he thought. 'Mom said what? Moving to New York? What?'

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	2. Meanwhile, back at the ranch

**Thanks just gobs to seddiefan2009 and SamLovesHam92. Entire sections of this story are due to their inspiration. Insert curtsey here… **

**If you haven't read their stuff, you better go do it now, pilgrim! Thanks again for reading this! Enjoy! Have a bagel!**

**-pig-**

* * *

Three's A Crowd

2. Moving On…

"MOM! MOM! What did you say?"

"Say? About what Freddie?"

"New York."

"Oh! I got the job. The one I mentioned to you a while back. It's in New York, so I'm moving. I'd like you to come along, but I thought you may want to stay here. You're eighteen now, and will be starting college. You'll need to decide soon."

"I'd like to stay here in Seattle, mom. I don't know where I would live though. It's too late to apply for a dorm room."

"You'll have to get an apartment if you stay. I can help you with that. I'll be making much more at this new job. And, I won't need such a large apartment if it's just me."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, er, party.

Carly was looking down at Norm. Right in the middle of a snuggle, he'd passed out. He did have a sly grin, but passed out none the less. Carly turned and looked back out onto the sea of craziness in the back yard. Most of the kids were beginning to wind down. A few, like Norm, had passed out at various places around the yard. Lucky it was going to be warm tonight. Carly was looking for Sam or Freddie, but didn't see either of them. She did notice Melanie slumped over in a chair and snoring in a very un-lady like manner.

Then she noticed Gibby. She couldn't quite believe what he was doing! He was running around to the different groups of kids, shirtless of course, and letting them rub his belly for a dollar. Gibby was telling the kids that it might bring them good luck. Carly had to find a chair and have a seat. The giggles had completely sapped her power of stand, speech and whatever else could be affected.

Sam had retreated into her room. She was thinking about how upset she was at the situation that her sister had caused earlier. Sam felt that Freddie would get some power over her if she admitted her feelings to him. She didn't mind the euphoric feeling she felt when Freddie told her how he felt about her. Her telling him that she was falling in… well, that would just be… different. And that's the way it was. She also knew that she had really pissed Freddie off, and hurt him a bit. That wouldn't do either. She liked the way he doted on her, and took her out. Freddie always made her feel special. Most importantly, he was always there for her. While she was Sam Puckett, and didn't need anything like that, she did like it, and didn't want to give that up. Besides, even with her limited experience with things male-ish, she really enjoyed making out with him. They had a special connection, and she knew it. The boy had turned out pretty damned hot, and knew just how to get her going, besides. She didn't want to give that up either. She had hardly had a thing to drink, so she grabbed her car keys and went down stairs and out the front door.

Back out in the backyard, Gibby had noticed Carly sitting down, was she choking? He ran over to her, prepared to do that maneuver that people were always talking about when someone was choking. The heiny maneuver, "yep that's it" he thought, the heiny maneuver. When he got in front of her, it sounded like she may be trying to hold in a laugh, and not choking, but he just wasn't sure, and was taking no chances. Gibby grabbed Carly under her arms and stood her up in front of him. Reaching around behind her Gibby grabbed Carly's ass with both hands. He began a very forceful butt massage with all the force he could muster, all the while chanting "breathe in, out, breathe in, out…"

To say Carly was surprised, well, suffice it to say, Carly was surprised. She didn't really know what the hell was going on! Gibby just grabbed her ass in public! With both hands mind you! And pulled her right into him, while chanting something about in and out and rubbing her ass in a most disturbing manner! What the??? The problem is that she was enjoying it! Holy cheese whiz, her butt was feeling good! The involuntary result of all this butt rubbing was some thigh to thigh rubbing initiated by Carly. WOW! That felt even better! Gibby was still chanting, in… out… which was having its own effect on Carly. She put her arms around his neck, grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in.

Gibby wasn't sure just what was wrong with his friend. He was doing the heiny maneuver, but all that had happened so far was Carly's eyes got huge and her mouth fell open. Suddenly, her arms shot around his neck and she was pulling his head toward her face! Oh! Now he understood! Mouth to mouth resuscitation! Of course! He had forgotten that part! Gibby redoubled his effort on the heiny maneuver and put his mouth over hers and began to exhale. Then another problem, Carly's tongue shot right into his mouth! "Oh man!" Gibby thought "Her tongue is going to get in the way and block her air passage!" With this in mind he gently used his lips and a bit of suction to hold her tongue in place. This must be working, since she started making some noises, like moans. Gibby assumed that this was good, since you had to have air in your lungs to make any noise. He soldiered on, rubbing Carly's butt, and sucking on her tongue… He really wasn't sure why she kept rubbing herself against his leg, but, hey. She seemed to need that, so… Now Carly's moans got kind of loud, really aggressive moans from deep inside her. Then she grabbed his right hand and moved it from her butt to her chest. In a very deep, un-Carly-like voice, she told Gibby "RUB!" After a moment or two of that Carly arched her back and howled loudly! Then Gibby noticed that she seemed to go all limp. Now he was worried, he sat her back down in the chair. She was panting. Just like the neighbor's dog on a hot summer day.

"That was wonderful, Gibby." Carly said, still in the un-Carly-like, husky voice.

"No problem Carly!" He felt real good about this! He'd just saved Carly's life!

* * *

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	3. Guacamole

Three's A Crowd

3. Guacamole

Sam parked her car in the visitor area underneath the Bushwell Building. As if she lived there, which she nearly did, she entered the access code and stepped into the elevator. As the elevator doors closed, she made a face. "Ewww… The Beatles hits by 101 Strings Orchestra? They should really change the muzac in this thing" She thought.

The elevator stopped at the eighth floor, and Sam got out. She walked past the Benson's door, heading out to the fire escape, their fire escape. From there she could get back to the fire escape just outside Freddie's window. Suddenly, she stopped and checked her watch. Only eleven o'clock. Freddie would certainly still be up, Crazy as well, so… she knocked on the front door.

The door opened.

"Hello Samantha. How are you dear" Inquired Mrs. Benson quietly.

"Fine, thank you. Is Freddie here? May I speak with him?" Sam replied politely. She had decided it would be politic to not rile the woman up tonight.

"I'm pretty sure Freddie is sleeping, but I'll go check. Do come in and have a seat."

Sam nearly followed Mrs. Benson back to Freddie's room, but thought better of it. She was going to apologize to Freddie for being so harsh earlier. Sam didn't want his mom ticked off also. So, she sat down and waited.

Shortly, Mrs. Benson returned to the entry and said: "Freddie is asleep. I thought he might be since we have an early morning tomorrow. We've lived here for some time; it will take a while to get ready."

"Get ready for what?" Sam asked.

"Why, of course. You wouldn't know. I was offered a new position. We're moving to New York! Isn't that exciting?"

"Um. You and Freddie are moving to New York?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"That's where the new job is, so that's where we need to be! If you don't mind, I was just getting ready for bed, so…" Mrs. B said while gesturing toward the door.

Sam nodded and walked out the door.

"Goodnight Samantha." Mrs. Benson said as the door closed and latched.

Sam turned around and stared at the Benson's apartment door. "New York?" She said to the closed door.

* * *

Once again, back at the party.

Carly was still panting, slightly. She was looking up at Gibby. He was of course, still shirtless, and had dollar bills stuffed into the waist band of his pants.

"Gibby, why did you do that?"

"Carly, I had to do something! You were choking! I saved your life!"

"Choking? Gibby, I was not… breathing, riiiiight. I was not breathing and you saved my life! Gee, thanks!"

"No problem at all Carly! Lucky I knew the heiny maneuver, huh."

"Oh, yes, the heiny maneuver. So that's what that was… Well, it certainly works, doesn't it, Gibby. I mean, whew!"

"Yeah, well, okay. So do you feel ok now Carly, breathing good and everything?"

"Well Gibby, would you follow me over to the bench at the side of the house? I just want to make sure I'm alright. I mean after such a scare and everything, I would like to rest."

Gibby nodded, and helped Carly up. Carly kept glancing at Gibby while walking to the bench. He did notice that Carly seemed to be breathing rather well, until she suddenly began gasping.

"Oh, Gibby!" Carly gasped. "I'm afraid I'm becoming faint!" She gasped even more.

Gibby immediately helped her sit down on the bench. "Ok now Carly?' he asked.

"Well, maybe I should just lie down on the bench for a moment…" Carly said while leaning over and laying on her side on the full length bench.

Suddenly, Carly began panting slightly, and gasping for breath as well. She rolled onto her back, straightened her blouse and hair, and relaxed a bit.

"Gibby, I'm a little worried" Carly panted slightly "would you mind doing some more mouth to mouth resuscitation, you know, just in case?"

"Oh, sure Carly! Shall I call an ambulance or something?" Gibby asked.

"Oh, no… You'll do just fine." Carly smiled.

* * *

'tick'

'tick tick'

Freddie awoke to the sound of something tapping on his window. He had known she was coming. After his little explosion at the party he knew she would be by tonight to clobber him. He had forgotten to unlock the window. Now, he thought, there was another reason to clobber me. He got out of bed, opened the window and helped her into his room.

"Hi Sam." Freddie said.

"Hi, look, I'm sorry. I don't know why I do things like that. It really would have made me mad if you would have danced with Mel. What's this about New York?"

Freddie sat on the edge of his bed and patted the spot next to him.

"My mom got a new job in New York. She's wanted this job forever, I guess. Anyway, she's moving soon. I don't know all the deets, but…" He shrugged.

"Okay Freddie, you said 'she's moving soon', you're staying then?"

"That's my plan. Mom said she would help me get an apartment."

"Good…" Sam said, sitting down next to the boy.

"Sam, we need to talk."

"That's normally a chick's line. It's so like you to use it, nub." Sam grinned.

"Yeah, ok Sam. Whatever… look. You know how I feel about you, I've told you tons of times, but just in case, here goes again. I want you. In fact, I really do kind of need you. I really want you to be my girlfriend. So, will you?"

"Nope." Sam replied.

"Okay Sam, I tried. I really can't continue this. I'm going to start seeing others." He said nervously.

"What did you just say, Benson?" Sam growled.

"I said I was going to ask other people out. I'll still ask you also if you want. I'd really like to take you out as well. But I'm just tired of stuff like tonight. I'm still not sure if we ever were a couple, or just a couple of buddies hanging out." Freddie said.

"Benson, you idiot. Just what the hell did you think we were? Didn't we make out, a lot? Did I ever go out with anyone else?"

"OK Sam, yes, I may very well be an idiot for doing this. Yes, we do make out, a lot. I enjoy every moment I get to share with you. Finally, I'm sure you have never even entertained the notion of going out with anyone else since we've been whatever it is we are. Unfortunately, that's not the point."

"Then just what the hell is your point, Benson."

"It's because you're Carly all over again, Sam… OW!"

"You had that thump coming, nub. Carly all over again? What does that mean?"

"Well Sam, it means that I really know you like hanging out and stuff, but were going into college now. I think were old enough to be able to realize how we feel for each other."

"So Freddie, let me get this right. Since I don't tell you how I feel, I can't have any feelings for you."

"Yes, that's what I meant, Sam."

"Uh huh, look, I admit, I'm not all sweetness and butterflies, but I do get what you're saying. And, you know what? Tough cheese. I am who I am. You want to date other girls, go ahead. Just don't be surprised when your sittin' at home playing Stellar Poop and I'm out with some hunk!"

With that Sam stood up, turned and pushed Freddie off his bed. Freddie watched as Sam stormed off through the open window.

"Well, that didn't go as planned…" Freddie thought.

* * *

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	4. Time takes a holiday

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* * *

Three's A Crowd

4. Time takes a holiday

To say Sam was upset would be like saying water was wet. She was miffed. She wanted, needed in fact, to talk with Carly. Sam seriously needed to vent. She made her way down to her car, then drove quickly back to her house.

Back out in the yard, she looked around for Carly. The party had wound down considerably. Many of the new graduates had either found a spot to snooze or were talking in small groups. Someone had made some large pots of coffee. It was now the most popular beverage there.

Suddenly, over on the side of the yard Sam saw Gibby attacking someone. THE VICTIM LOOKED LIKE CARLY! Sam ran over to them, yelling the entire time. Gibby jumped up and ran around behind the bench. Carly looked pretty hazy, but quickly sized up the situation.

"Sam! Sam! Stop, its ok! STOP!" Carly shouted.

Sam stopped, dumbfounded. Gibby took this as a cue to run like the dickens and get away from the crazed blond. Sam began pointing at Carly, then at Gibby's retreating form.

"…but…Carly…Gibby…attack…why…what…huh?" Sam stuttered.

"It's ok Sam, don't worry. It's ok." Carly said.

"Oh! Carly! YOU WERE KISSING HIM? GIBBY?"

"Well, kind of… um, he was saving my life, so, I guess so, yeah. Look, don't worry about it. Where have you been? Where's Freddie?" Carly said, changing the subject.

Sam recounted the evening's activities between herself, Freddie and Melanie. Sam had expected Carly to be stunned. Instead, Carly continued to look at her with a knowing expression.

"Well Sam, I'm surprised it took Freddie this long."

"WHAT! Carly, didn't you hear what I just said? Freddie wants to break up with me!" Sam said.

"No he doesn't" Carly replied.

"But… He just got through…" Sam started, but Carly interrupted.

"No, he doesn't want to break up with you. He loves you. He wants you to confirm that you feel the same way. I guess you haven't, have you Sam."

"Well, he should know how I feel… I mean we are together all the time and…" Sam started, but Carly interrupted again.

"Could'a, Should'a, Would'a. I would suggest you get back over to his apartment and tell him how you feel." Carly said while getting up and walking away. Suddenly, Carly turned back to Sam and said:

"And you just stay away from Gibby. I might need my life saved on a regular basis from now on!"

Sam stared at her friends back as she walked away. "Holy Guacamole, Carly's crazy!" She thought.

Freddie moved into a small one bedroom apartment about a month after graduation. Sam still wasn't speaking to him, and the rift was taking its toll. The first thing to wither was iCarly. Even though Sam and Freddie weren't really speaking to one another, they did put aside their differences for the web cast. Well, they kind of put aside their differences, but they weren't actually throwing things at each other, most of the time. But, when Freddie's mom moved, things sort of went downhill. Freddie just wasn't there across the hall. It took quite a bit longer to set up to do the web cast because of that. This gave Fred and Sam more time to snipe at each other, and get upset. It was usually Sam that got mad and left, but not always. Things just weren't working. Freddie could see it also. Something had to change.

School had started by now, and time and tempers were even shorter than they had been before. Most of Freddie's classes were on the AV and Film Technologies campus. He had met a number of young people interested in doing what he did, with no practical way to try it. He had an idea. Freddie could continue to handle the web design and web technologies necessary to keeping iCarly online. He would charge a small amount for classes in AV work and have the student actually video the iCarly web casts. It was brilliant. Carly, Sam and Freddie could continue their income from the advertising the trio sold, and the added income from the 'students' that did the tech work involved for the web cast. The best thing was that it kept Freddie and Sam apart as their relationship had turned into constant bickering and serious admonitions.

This lasted a bit over a year. Carly, Sam and Freddie were getting older, and viewers were dropping, as were advertising revenues. It was decided to try to re-invent iCarly with a new persona, and new participants. The call was put out, auditions and interviews held, and a new pair of younger girls was chosen. It worked. Viewers were up, page hits soared, and revenues doubled, then tripled and continued to climb.

Freddie and Sam did try dating for a while again. Well, what Freddie called dating. Sam just said she was hanging with the nub. Since neither one of them had changed the way they thought about their relationship, it didn't change. The longest they were able to go was about an hour and a half before Freddie threw up his hands and said 'what was the use, why bother '. After he did that Sam got mad and left the restaurant, and that was it. They were done.

Every few months Carly and Sam did an 'iCarly Classic' special. The specials really seemed to please the slightly older viewers. All seemed well, and then Carly had an idea. She invited Freddie and Sam on a picnic. Nothing fancy, just a simple picnic at a small park on campus. She wanted to celebrate the new iCarly, and maybe see what would come of getting her two friends back together again. Not as a couple. That seemed impossible at this point. Carly just wanted to see if they could all be friends again. When she asked, Sam and Freddie even agreed to be there together. They hadn't seen each other in well over a year. They each had confided to Carly that they missed the other, so this might just work! She hoped so. Carly's life was strange enough at the moment. She could stand a little less stress.

* * *

**Ok! So here are some blatant plugs!**

**Here are my recommendations to read over the next few days…**

**SamLovesHam92 and seddiefan2009**

**Well duh…**

**Tech-Man and KingxLeon21**

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**JamesTheGreater**

**Come now, you must have read his.**

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	5. Dead poets and other news…

**I've resurrected another story you may enjoy. Look for '…forest for the trees…'**

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* * *

**

Three's A Crowd

5. Dead poets and other news…

One of the problems with Carly was Gibby. Well, not really a problem, but Carly found herself drawn to him. That was odd enough in itself, what was worse was that Gibby had a girlfriend, Tasha. Tasha seemed devoted to him, and he to her. Carly was at a loss of what to do. What she did was to have engineered breathing difficulties in the vicinity of Gibby. Gibby would invoke the all powerful 'heiny maneuver' and Carly would be good for another week or so. This was going to have to change, but Carly didn't want to be the one that actually did the changing. Somehow, Carly was going to have to win Gibby's heart, or get Tasha to leave him.

On picnic day, Carly stopped at her favorite deli and bought four foot long sandwiches with different types of ham in each. She also got four huge dill pickles, a quart of coleslaw, and the same of potato salad. Next, she stopped at a fried chicken place and got a large bucket of legs and a quart each of gravy and mashed potatoes. She thought she and Freddie could split whatever Sam left. A stop by a grocery store resulted in a large box of Mallomars, water, paper plates, napkins and plastic utensils. She was ready.

The day was sunny and nice, so she chose a picnic table out in the open. Just as she finished getting everything open and ready, she noticed Freddie walking up. They hadn't seen each other for a few weeks. They smiled and gave each other a tiny hug, and began chatting. Soon, Sam arrived; Neither Carly or Freddie had seen her approach. She tapped Freddie on his shoulder; he turned to face her and pulled her to him for a long hug.

"Hey nub!"

"Demon, how have you been?"

"I'm Good, you?" She asked him.

"OK" he said.

"Great then, let's eat!" She said as she hugged Carly.

Carly thought all was going very well! Freddie and Sam weren't trying to kill, or even verbally maim each other. They were even having a nice, if not kind of sterile, conversation. After a while, things got quiet. Sam and Freddie had run out of things to say or discuss. Here's where Carly's plan was going to start… She already knew the answer to the next question she was going to ask Sam, but Freddie didn't.

"So, are you seeing anyone Sam?" Carly asked, trying to hold in the grin.

Sam looked up from her sandwich with her classic smirk. "Yep, I am." Sam said.

'This isn't right' Carly thought. She had asked Sam this same question not two days ago. Sam had told her that she wasn't interested in anyone she had gone out with for some time. While Carly realized that getting them back together again would be difficult, she wouldn't have minded trying. This just about shot that notion full of holes.

"Oh! Um… that's wonderful Sam… What's his name?" a confused Carly asked.

"Richard, Richard Brautigan." Sam said.

"The author? How nice" Carly purred. "Are you seeing anyone, Freddie?" Carly continued.

Freddie was staring at his phone, and had been for a while. "I'm sorry, what was that, Carly?"

"Are you seeing anyone?" Carly repeated.

"No, not anyone regularly" he replied.

"Freduchini, guess who has a thing for Gibby." Sam interrupted.

"Tasha, Gibby's girlfriend I would assume…" Freddie said looking up at the girls. Carly looked stunned, Sam continued her smirk.

"Look at that dog!" Carly nearly shouted, pointing behind Freddie. He turned around to look and saw… nothing. He did hear Sam gasp. Turning back around he noticed Sam holding her side while glaring at Carly.

"I guess it was just a shadow or something." Carly smiled.

Freddie looked confused. Just then his cell phone began ringing. He checked it and answered.

"…sure, I can meet you there… About twenty minutes, thanks." Freddie hung up.

Freddie got up from the table and walked around to the other side. Giving both girls a one armed hug around their shoulders.

"Thanks Carly, I'll see you soon. I need to meet with this fellow. Good to see you again Sam…" He nodded at the blond, turned and walked toward his car.

"How smooth Pucket" Carly said "Your dating the beat author Richard Brautigan? He's dead. Died sometime in the mid eighties."

"Thanks for lunch, Carl's" Sam said while grabbing a sandwich and the rest of the chicken. "Nice try I guess, but hey…" Sam said, turned and left.

Carly could only stare at her retreating friend. She stood for a moment, shook her head, picked up her cell and dialed… "At the park… wheeze… can't breathe… gasp… come save me… pant."

Sam got in her car and started to drive. She wasn't sure where she was going; she just didn't want to think for a bit. She especially didn't want to think about him! What the hell was that? Carly asking if I'm dating anyone. And Freddie was too preoccupied to even care. Sam's phone got a text; it was from her sister, Melanie.

'IMPORTANT NEWS COME HOME RIGHT AWAY – MEL'

'Hmm, that's weird.' She thought.

Freddie met the real estate agent at the address she had given him on the phone. This property was very nice. It was maybe a bit too large and a bit more than he wanted to spend. He liked the place, but was afraid he just couldn't afford it. His mother had purchased a small home for herself in the vicinity of her new job in New York State. She had mentioned to Freddie that he may want to do the same thing in Seattle as an investment. She was able to help him with rent, so helping him purchase would be much better. He told the sales woman that this house was indeed the type he was looking for, but that he just couldn't afford what they were asking. The two talked for a bit about the details and went their separate ways.

Sam pulled into the driveway at her house. There was a car with Nevada license plates parked in front of the house. She could hear laughing and music coming from the back yard… 'What the…' she thought. Inside the entry was luggage, she recognized one set, her sisters, the other wasn't any she recognized. Out in the backyard was Melanie, her mom, and… her father!

"Samantha!" her father called while giving her a hug. After the greetings they sat down at a patio table to talk. It turns out that Sam and Mel's parents were reuniting. They were getting back together again after all that time. It seems the couple had been talking on the phone for over a year, but had kept things a secret in case it didn't work out. Things had worked out, and after nearly fifteen years apart, they were getting back together. The second bit of huge news was that the twin's parents had never divorced; only separated. But, news generally comes in threes, and this was no exception. Mr. and Mrs. Puckett would be continuing their marriage in Las Vegas, Nevada. Sam and Melanie's father was a croupier at a casino and owned a home there. He had arranged a position in Guest Services at the same casino for his wife. The couple was leaving shortly, just as soon as they signed some paperwork.

"You girls will either have to come with us to Las Vegas, or get an apartment here in Seattle. Your mother and I are selling this house."

* * *

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	6. Let's Play House!

"_You girls will either have to come with us to Las Vegas, or get an apartment here in Seattle. Your mother and I are selling this house."_

* * *

Three's A Crowd

6. Let's play house!

'What have I done to anger the Lords of Pork?' thought Sam. She and Melanie were sitting on Sam's bed, discussing the problem.

"I really don't want to move." Melanie whined.

"Well Mel, I'm afraid that's not going to be an option. I mean were going to have to do something. Did you want to stay here? I'm not leaving Seattle."

"I would rather stay here. I guess we can get an apartment." Melanie Said.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I guess we will have to get a place. That will make us… roommates. Gag…" said Sam.

"Love you too, sis" said Melanie.

After a few days the twin sisters were resigned to the fact that they would be moving. More and more people were coming to view the Pucket abode, and a few offers had been received, but refused.

Melanie was clothes shopping at the chic shops that surround most large colleges. She was basically killing time. She had made a date to meet someone at Senior Coffee at two o'clock and had nothing else to do for another half hour. Seeing nothing that interested her in the shops, Melanie decided to meander over to the coffee shop and wait. It may take her a while to get a table, anyway.

Freddie was sitting at one of the tables along the window wall of Senior Coffee. His laptop was open, and he was typing. Melanie noticed him, walked up and nudged his shoulder. Looking up, Freddie notices Sam in a pink dress… Then his brain kicks in.

"Hi Mel, have a seat!"

"Hi Freddie, thanks! Are you doing homework?" Mel asked pointing at his laptop.

"Yeah, I'm just finishing up a paper. Are you out doing anything exciting?" Freddie said while closing his computer.

Melanie told him about her upcoming coffee date and recent happenings in her life. As she concluded, her date walked up. Melanie then introduced the boys to each other.

"Look, I'm leaving so just take this table, save the wait time." Freddie said.

Outside, Freddie took out his cell, and made a call.

Melanie got home just in time to see her parents pulling out of the driveway. They stopped for a moment to tell her they were on their way to Las Vegas, and Samantha had all the details. Sam was sitting on the front stoop, taking it all in. As their parents drove away, Sam said:

"Well Mel, that's it. They sold the place about an hour ago. So how was your date?"

"Hmmm… The date was so so… Nothing to write home about, and that brings me too my next question; where is home going to be now, sis?"

Sam looked glum and shook her head. "I don't know" she said.

Carly was in a quandary. She really wanted to have a relationship with Gibby. Unfortunately, Gibby already had a girlfriend, and they seemed like they were very happy. In fact Tasha, Gibby's girlfriend, helped Gibby at his shop. He had a nice little storefront by the University where he sold nuts. He had named his store 'Gibby's Nuts' and said it was because he was nutty… Tasha worked on the counter on occasion, but mostly worked in the back getting Gibby's nuts sorted.

Carly was depressed. She really wanted to date Gibby. 'How will I ever pull this off' she thought. Then she had the idea. She would find Tasha another boy. Three or four times a week, Gibby left his shop with a three wheeled bicycle and bike trailer. He called this his 'Nut Wagon' and pedaled his nuts all around the University campus. Carly knew that today Gibby would be off his nut and on the wagon, so she went to his shop. In the shop, Tasha greeted her kindly. The two girls struck up a conversation about their work and school, how well Tasha kept Gibby's Nuts sorted and the web show. Soon, Carly changed the subject;

"So, Tasha, what do you do for fun?"

"Oh, you know, the normal stuff. Press flowers into books, count and categorize the cars that drive by my apartment by make, model and color. Did you know blue cars are the most popular by nearly forty one percent?" Tasha replied.

Carly had problems wrapping her mind around that. 'Wow, a car counter.' Carly thought. 'How lame can you get? This is perfect!'

"How exciting Tasha! I'm…. amazed! Yeah, amazed, that's it. So, are you and Gibby doing anything this evening?"

"No" Tasha replied "Gibby is out on the nut wagon pedaling his nuts tonight."

"Well then Tasha, I know this guy that just lives to count cars! What do you think about that, small world, huh?"

"Wow, no kidding… you know a car counter! I've never met another person that has that hobby!" Tasha said.

"Well, girly, close up this nut house and let me introduce you to him… His name is Norm…" Carly said.

The Puckett's house phone was ringing. Sam and Mel were not used to it, and didn't think about it for a bit. Finally, Melanie ran out of her room and into the master bedroom where there was the only house phone upstairs. After a short conversation, she hung up and walked down the hall to Sam's room. Sam was lying on her bed, listening to her iPod, looking at an online Converse advertisement on her computer and watching a nasty looking gore fest on her television. Melanie blanched at the realistic looking body ripping portrayed on Sam's TV. Sam pulled the earpiece out of her ear and flipped off the TV with the remote, and then half turned on her bed to face her sister.

"Yes Melanie, what is it? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Mom and Dad's real estate agent just called. The new owner is going to be coming by here in about an hour. The real estate agent is coming as well." Melanie said.

Sam looked disgusted; "So we have to move and put up with these people. Screw them; let's go get something to eat. We don't need to be here while the new owners are making their devious plans to get us out of here."

"I thought you said that mom and dad said we had to stay here until the new owners showed up. Isn't this what they meant?" Melanie asked.

"Yes… poop! It is. The real estate people are bringing some paperwork here that we have to put in the envelope on the kitchen counter and mail. Hey, I have an idea! Let's have a party!" Sam said enthusiastically.

"Nope, we won't have a party here. Dad told me that he made you sign the 'No Party Proclamation' and that if you did have a party and there was any damage or expense you would have to pay for it, not us, you." Mel stated.

"Dad told you about the 'NPP' huh? Well that's just dandy, just dandy indeed…" Sam said.

Melanie was about to respond when the doorbell rang. The sisters looked at each other and shrugged. It was too early for it to be the real estate people. Sam followed Mel downstairs to the front door. Opening the door, a fellow in a clean white uniform carrying a clip board greeted them.

"Good afternoon, ladies. I have a delivery from Marvelous Meals, Inc. Are you Samantha and Melanie Puckett?"

"Uh huh, yes, we are" Melanie replied.

"Marvelous!" The fellow said. He then turned around and motioned to some others behind him. "Bring in the order boys!" he yelled.

The others began bringing in cases and cases of fried chicken, pork roast, whole hams, individually packaged steak, hamburger, hot dogs, deli breads, meats and cheeses. Another fellow was bringing in and setting up a new chest freezer. Yet another fellow was packing all the cases of food and meat into the freezer. Finally, two guys brought in a dozen cases of assorted soda and another dozen cases of bottled water.

Sam and Mel were dumbfounded. Neither could believe their eyes. Melanie was able to control herself, of course. Sam was noticeably drooling. In the midst of all this activity, the original fellow with the clip board walked in with none other than Freddie Benson. The two were discussing something about recurring deliveries and web versus television advertising. Freddie finished his conversation and turned to the girls.

"I'm starved!" He said smiling "Let's go out to dinner, on me."

Melanie looked from the delivery men finishing up, to Freddie, and then back to the delivery men. Finally she says; "we can't we have to wait here for some papers from a real estate agent and to meet..."

Sam comes out of her stupor and waves at Melanie to be quiet.

"Freddie, mom and dad have moved to Las Vegas and somebody has bought our house. We have to wait for the new owner. If you can wait for a half hour or so, we'd love to go to dinner with you." Sam said.

"No problem ladies… Here's the paperwork you're waiting for" Freddie said handing it to Sam "and you're looking at the new owner. I bought your house!"

* * *

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**The review button he pressed**

**Was **

**DOWN THERE!**


	7. The Three C's

"_No problem ladies… Here's the paperwork you're waiting for" Freddie said handing it to Sam "and you're looking at the new owner. I bought your house!"_

* * *

Three's A Crowd

7. The Three C's

Melanie had been looking at the activity in the kitchen again and slowly turned back to Freddie and stared. Sam was stunned. Mouth open, unmoving. Freddie was still attempting to put the papers in Sam's hands.

Mr. White uniform and clip board interrupted the trio by asking Freddie to come into the kitchen. Freddie turned and followed him. Sam still hadn't moved a muscle.

"Sam, Sam!" Melanie said while nudging Sam's shoulder "Do you know what this means, Sam?"

Sam turned to her sister. Her mouth was still opened in shock. She shook her head 'no'.

"Why, it means we don't have to move! We can stay here, sis!" Melanie said while doing a happy dance.

At this, Sam regained some of her composure. "Yeah, but look who it is that's going to be living here with us! He didn't buy this house and expect to keep living in his apartment, you know…" Sam said.

Melanie was vigorously nodding her head; "I know! Isn't that neat!" She said.

Sam didn't respond to her sister. She did turn and head into the kitchen. Mr. White uniform and clip board was jotting down a note on the clip board and saying:

"…so we'll be bringing the same each month, and send the remainder in check to you at this address. Correct?"

Freddie was nodding "Yes, that's fine. Thanks." He said.

The two shook hands and the white coated delivery men left, nodding their goodbyes to Sam and Melanie. Melanie ran into the kitchen and grabbed Freddie by the shoulders:

"We don't have to move?" She asked.

"Nope." Freddie grinned.

Sam moved her sister and stood in front of Freddie. "How could you afford this Freddie? Don't we have to pay rent?" Sam asked.

"Let's go out to eat. We can discuss it all over dinner. My treat!" Freddie said.

Melanie took Freddie's arm and started toward the door. Sam shook her head, trying to clear it, and followed her sister… and their new landlord.

* * *

Carly and Tasha were standing outside. They were facing the front of a non descript door, of a equally non descript apartment. Carly knocked. After a moment, the door opened. Norm was standing in the entry, blinking his eyes. He looked like he had been taking a nap.

"Carly, how are you. It's been quite some time, over a year." Norm said.

Carly returned the greeting and stood aside and introduced Tasha to him. Norm invited the girls in and told them to please have a seat and make themselves at home. The apartment was spotless. This place would pass one of Mrs. Benson's Bright and Shiny tests with flying colors.

"Oh my" Tasha gushed "plastic covering on all the furniture and plastic runners on the most used parts of the floor. This is so neat!"

Norm beamed, after a few minutes of idle chit chat, Carly mentioned their shared hobby.

"Would you like to see the 'Triple C'?" Norm asked.

"The 'Triple C', what's that?" Tasha asked.

"Oh, follow me." Norm said, leading them down the hallway to a back bedroom. Inside the room were computers, huge monitors, video cameras and a desk with enough instrumentation piled on it that it resembled the space shuttle control panel.

"This is the 'Triple C', or Car Counting Command. I used to call it the 'Quad C' for Car Counting Command Center but I think 'Triple C' kind of rolls off the tongue better" Norm explained.

Carly stood in the doorway, rubbing her temples. If Sam could see this, she would never call Freddie a nub again. This guy would win all the prizes, take the cake and nail it to the wall. Tasha on the other hand was intrigued… In fact, intrigued may not be descriptive enough. She was in complete and total car counting lust. She whisked into the room mumbling things like 'car body discrimination data base', and 'automatic color and hue comparator', among other things Carly couldn't catch. Tasha ran her hands lovingly over the multitude of video cameras pointed through a window at the intersection of Interstate 90 and Interstate 5 that was directly below the window. Tasha gazed lovingly at a computer monitor as it showed the individual count of cars caught by the cameras and then automatically separated by year, make, model and color. Tasha stood in front of the desk and watched in awe as the count increased with remote views of Interstate 405 and State Highway's 18, 167, 509, 516, 518 and 599.

Without turning around, Tasha asked Norm something about the discrimination software. Norm answered.

"Sorry, Norm, could you come a bit closer, I couldn't quite hear you." Tasha replied.

Norm stepped closer to Tasha's back and answered again. Tasha reached behind her and took Norm's arms and wrapped them around her waist while continuing to ask questions. Norm's head ended up on Tasha's right shoulder.

At this point Carly cleared her throat and said "Well, maybe I had best be running along now… Norm, could you give Tasha a ride home?"

Without turning around, Tasha replied "Oh, I'll be fine. I'm sure, won't I Normy…"

Normy nodded his head while saying "yes fine, you'll be fine."

Carly smiled, backed out of the room, walked down the hallway and let herself out. 'Yes' Carly thought 'Tasha would be fine, just fine indeed.' She smiled all the way back to her car. She drove directly toward Bushnell Plaza, and her empty apartment, since Spencer was in Tacoma for a few days. Carly took out her cell, and dialed Gibby's number…

"Oh Gibby! (wheeze cough) I'll be at my apartment in about ten minutes and (cough cough wheeze) won't be breathing! Please come as fast as you can and save me! (wheeze cough wheeze) And while you're at it can you stop by the Groovy Smoothie's and pick up a mango strawberry banana blammo blast for me, please? (cough wheeze)".

* * *

As the three got to Freddie's car, he mentioned that his back seat was full of his stuff, and until he could get it cleaned out, and put away later this evening, the three of them would have to ride in the front seat of his car. Sam got to the front passenger door and got in, holding the door open for her sister. Melanie however continued around to the drivers' side with Freddie and got in from that side. This of course caused Sam to have to move all the way back over to the passenger door, with Mel in the middle, next to Freddie. Melanie began telling Freddie how wonderful it would be with them all living there; asking if he was going to move into what had been their Mother's room, which Freddie confirmed. Sam was a bit unnerved when she noticed that every time Mel spoke to Freddie she touched his arm or shoulder, and sometimes his thigh.

"And you know, if you ever need, well… anything, all you have to do is come get it! I mean our doors are only a couple feet apart. You know I just love surprises, anytime, night or day, anytime at all…" Melanie chirped.

Sam had been looking out the window, but at this last statement her head had snapped back around to stare at her sister. She could tell that things were going to be very different in her house from now on. Very different…

* * *

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…**the forest for the trees…**

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**Just so it matched**

**Her button!**


	8. Rules? What Rules

_Sam had been looking out the window, but at this last statement her head had snapped back around to stare at her sister. She could tell that things were going to be very different in her house from now on. Very different…_

* * *

Three's A Crowd

8. Rules? What Rules.

Sam was thinking she maybe should join in on this conversation. Maybe she would be able to steer Melanie away from Freddie long enough to try to figure out just what Mel was up too.

"Where are we going, Freddie?" Sam asked.

"I was thinking 'Hamtasticks'. Does that sound good Sam?" Freddie replied.

"Oh yeah! OUR favorite place from back when we were dating." Sam said, and immediately regretted saying it. She didn't want their 'dating' to be considered past tense by Melanie.

"Yeah, it sure was, Sam. I've got a surprise for both of you there as well!" Fred said.

Melanie immediately started pressing Freddie for the surprise. Sam loved this, as she could tell it was aggravating Freddie. Sam didn't say a thing. She just let Mel go on pestering the boy until they pulled into the parking lot.

After the car was parked, Sam nearly jumped out of the car. She ran around to the driver's side just as Freddie was getting out and standing up. Mel was still navigating around the steering wheel. Sam scooted over to Freddie and pulled him into a hug. A long hug. A real long rest your head on his shoulder hug.

"Wow, I really miss these." Sam said. "C'mon slowpoke!" Sam said to Mel while nearly dragging Freddie by the hand into the restaurant.

When they entered the establishment, the hostess immediately greeted Freddie and asked him to wait just a moment while the manager was called. Sam wasn't sure why they were getting special treatment, but she was sure she didn't like the way the hostess was looking at Freddie. At that moment, Melanie came in and sized up the situation as well. Melanie maneuvered the hostess over to the side and said to her:

"Look sweetie, you keep looking at Freddie like that and you'll go blind."

The hostess was a bit taken back by what Melanie had just told her. She stuttered out a quiet "wh-why?"

Melanie smiled and turned to the young girl and said "Because hun, I'll rip you're freaking eyes right out of your skull."

By this time, Sam had sauntered over next to her sister as well and nodded in agreement. The young hostess decided that it would be best to ignore the handsome fellow and the crazy twins he had come in with and help refill coffee and water for the nearby tables.

That threat averted Sam and Mel started a stare down with each other while Freddie spoke with the manager about three feet away. They both knew right then, this was war…

Carly checked her watch just as she entered her apartment. She would just have time. Sprinting upstairs to her room she made sure everything was in order and then, got it out… The envelope. She had purchased this for this very reason, and it's time had finally come. It's nothing really, a regular small manila envelope. It's only about two and a half inches by four inches. Not large at all… Opening the envelope she removed the flat thin cardboard protective piece. There it was, in all its glory and suggestiveness. One Super Duper Extreme Micro Mini Ity Bity Teeny Weeny Itsy Bitsy Single Thread Bikini in hot pink. After looking in the envelope for a moment she was able to find both the top and bottoms. Getting the supplied tweezers (included with all SDEMMIBTWIBSTB's) she removed them from the envelope. Next she placed them on the white paper that was supplied for this very purpose in order to keep from losing the single thread bikini. Now it was time to dress, Gibby would be here in about five or ten minuets. She had to be ready when he got here. Carly retrieved the one size fits all adjustable head band magnifying glass attachment that was supplied with the bikini. She would need it so she could tie the sexy little knots that held everything together. That being done she checked herself out in the mirror. If she could have seen the bikini she was sure it really set her off by being hot pink, she just knew it. Now she grabbed the flimsy little robe and put it on. Perfect! Nearly see through, without being sluttish, kind of… At least that's what the advert had said. Check the makeup, teeth pearly, breath spritz… Ready! Now zip back downstairs, unlock the door and wait for Mr. Magic Eyes… Yes, she was ready. Today was the day, and now was the time. She was going to pluck those petals. Gibby was going to get… deflowered.

Sam and Melanie stopped the stare wars when the manager began leading the three of them to a booth. Freddie began to slide in with Sam right beside him when Melanie asked if they could have a table instead. Without missing a beat the manager asked their pardon for not asking originally and showed them to a table. Sam realized right away that all Melanie did was keep her from sitting next to Freddie. Obviously keeping her sister away from Freddie was going to be a bit harder than she had originally thought. The manager was still talking to Freddie about schedules and shot angles. Freddie asked if he could see the restaurants calendar. The fellow invited Freddie to come to his office for a moment. Freddie excused himself and left with the manager.

Melanie and Sam glared at one another…

Mel cleared her throat: "Rules?" she asked.

"None" Sam replied "except… if we are faced with outside interference, we join forces."

Melanie nodded "Yes, we join forces until the interference is eradicated, then continue our… personal endeavors." She said as her gaze drifted over to the hostess.

"Exactly." Sam said.

"Precisely." Mel agreed.

Melanie and Sam smiled at one another… It wasn't pretty.

* * *

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* * *

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	9. Everything is Baconesque

_Mel cleared her throat: "Rules?" she asked._

"_None" Sam replied…_

…_Melanie and Sam smiled at one another… It wasn't pretty._

* * *

Three's A Crowd

9. Everything is Bacon-esque

Looking up, Sam noticed Freddie walking out of the kitchen and toward their table. Just as he approaches their table, but still unseen by Melanie, Sam turns to her sister and asks;

"So whatever happened to Devon, sis?"

"Devon, the human dirt bag? I dumped him like a sack of potatoes, forever ago. What a whiney little twerp Devon is…" Melanie said.

"Oh! I didn't know you weren't seeing Devon any longer Mel. I really didn't know you had such a low opinion of him" Freddie said while sitting.

"Isn't Devon still a really good friend of yours Freddie? He's very clever with all that AV stuff isn't he. I always enjoyed listening to you two kid around with each other when you would bring him around." Sam said while giving Freddie's hand a little squeeze on the table top.

Freddie looked at Sam's hand and smiled. Melanie turned toward her sister, and glared.

* * *

Carly had just gotten herself positioned on the couch when the doorbell rang. The sheer robe was just a bit shorter than she would have liked, but too late for that now. She took a deep breath…

* * *

"Well, I really need to tell you two just what is going on." Freddie began. "It's going to be great. Mom is helping me buy the house…"

"I'm so excited!" Melanie interrupted.

"Freddie smiled and nodded and continued; "So yes, I am going to need some help from you two to make the house payments, but I had this great idea. I've been making commercials for this restaurant, and for Marvelous Meals and loads of other businesses. You two can star in the commercials. That will be your rent! We get food, at home and here at 'Hamtasticks'. Any money that's left over, we'll split between us. We'll have spending money and live rent free. You gals don't have to move… It'll be great!"

The twins and Freddie discussed the business the three were entering into all through their meal. Everyone really was excited! After a little while, Melanie turned to Freddie and asked;

"So Freddie, are you, umm, are you going out with anyone at the moment?"

"No, I'm not Mel. I haven't dated anyone seriously since Sam." Freddie said while nodding toward Sam. "I've gone out with a few girls but nothing ever developed of it. Mostly it's just Carly and I going to movies and stuff when she's between boyfriends, but that's just us hanging out, not dates."

"Well, I'm not dating any one either. I get so lonely sometimes. I just wish I had a nice guy with you know, dark hair and eyes you could lose yourself in. A responsible fellow, you know. There is just no telling how satisfying the, ahh, rewards could be for a boy like that…" Melanie said with a simper, staring at Freddie.

Luckily nothing fell from Sam's mouth when her jaw dropped open.

* * *

"Come in (cough wheeze) save me!" Carly nearly sang in her best sexy voice. The door swung open, but no one entered.

* * *

"Here girls, do you want to share this bacon, I can't eat it all." Freddie asked.

"Why, thank you Freddie!" Melanie gushed "I really shouldn't though… fried foods go right to my thighs…"

"You know sis, I was noticing you were getting a bit tubby down there. You are getting a little broad in the beam, huh. You should exercise, like me. I walk everywhere and exercise that excess right off. You keep eating like this and we won't be able to share clothes. I've noticed that the things you return have been a little stretched lately." Sam said smiling sweetly.

"Samantha, the only reason you walk everywhere is you can't get car insurance so you can't drive! You have to walk or ride the bus, everywhere!" Melanie exclaimed.

"Yes, I do Mel, and do you know how much money I've saved doing that? Of course the exercise is great, but the money saved… Well, being thrifty is just me I guess!" Sam said with a big sunshine smile aimed directly at Freddie.

Freddie smiled back, and then glanced at his cell as it had begun to signal a text message.

* * *

A large, woman with very short butch hair in a brown uniform entered the Shay apartment, pushing a large parcel on a dolly. The woman was wearing uniform shorts and a short sleeved mans shirt making it easy to notice tattoos running up and down both arms and legs. As she entered she was reading from a clip board;

"Got a package here for a Mr. Spencer Shay… Well hello honey."

The delivery woman said to Carly while openly ogling her. Carly stuttered and stammered and ran into the kitchen and stood, nearly hidden, behind the kitchen island.

"Ju… just leave the pa… pa… parcel there inside the da… door please. Okay?" Carly finally got out.

Removing the parcel from the dolly, the woman grinned at Carly and said "its okay now, darlin' I have to go for now, but I'll remember your address!" while laughing.

Just as the woman was backing out of the door, Gibby ran into her and fell down. The woman looked down at Gibby, then back over to Carly; "Is this what you're waiting for?" She asked.

Carly smiled meekly and nodded her head yes.

"Well c'mon then bud." The woman in brown said while helping Gibby up "you are going to be having quite a time in a moment…" She continued with a chuckle.

"Is Carly okay? Can she breathe? Did you perform the heiny maneuver?" Gibby asked.

The delivery woman just stopped and stared at Gibby "did you just say the heiny maneuver?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah…" said Gibby.

The woman began to chuckle, then snort. She wasn't able to hold it in though. She broke out into full gale force guffaws. Pushing the empty dolly back down the hallway, she could hardly stand. She just kept muttering "the heiny maneuver" to herself while jerkily heading toward the elevators. After the elevator doors closed and she was down a floor or two, the sound of her laughter finally diminished.

Carly looked at Gibby, shrugged and smiled.

* * *

"Samantha! You can't say you have ever heard me complaining about being unable to get into my pants!" Melanie ranted.

"Well Mel, when you're right, you're right. I've never heard you, or anyone else for that matter, complaining about not being able to get into your pants." Sam purred "From what I've heard, getting into your pants is one of the easiest things to do in Seattle."

Melanie's jaw popped open then shut tight. Sam picked up the last piece of bacon, and then popped it into her mouth and chewed slowly. Melanie's eyes narrowed to mere slits. Her expression evolved into a glare that could have maimed. Sam smiled sweetly and touched Freddie's arm. "Isn't it time to go now sweetie?"

* * *

_**If you like a story, you should **__**always**__** check out the authors favorites...**_

_**That's where the **__**VERY BEST **__**stuff hides!**_

* * *

The gal whose name is Sutton

The one that's such a glutton

Her hair's now blue

And smells, PU

But it really matches

That button!


	10. Ghost of Robbie’s past…

"_Well Mel, when you're right, you're right. I've never heard you, or anyone else for that matter, complaining about not being able to get into your pants." _

_Sam purred "From what I've heard, getting into your pants is one of the easiest things to do in Seattle."_

* * *

Three's A Crowd

10. Ghost of Robbie's past…

"What are you doing Gibby?" Carly asked from behind the kitchen island.

"Sending Freddie a text, I've been looking for Tasha for an hour or so. You seem to be okay, so…"

* * *

"Well, this is weird… Listen to this text I just got from Gibby. He says 'FB have you heard of or seen Tasha this evening? I'll call later, have to save Carly first. GG'. I have no idea about Tasha, do either of you have an idea what he is saving Carly from?" Freddie asked.

Melanie shrugged her shoulders; Sam on the other hand was nodding her head and mumbling something about 'Carly's made her move.' Melanie asked "What's up sis?" while Freddie cocked an eyebrow and asked what was up as well.

Sam rubbed her temples and looked at her sister, then Freddie: "Well… It's complicated, and goes back a long way. All the way back to our graduation party, Mel." Sam went on to explain what she knew about Carly and Gibby.

"So you think that Carly has put some moves on Gibby?" Freddie asked Sam after she finished.

"Well duh, ya think?" Sam said looking at Freddie, then at her sister. Melanie was nodding her head and said simply "oh yeah…"

* * *

Suddenly, Carly's plans came crashing down around her. What was she thinking? Well, she didn't feel bad about destroying Gibby and Tasha's relationship. I mean come on… let's get real here. You know, all's fair and all that. No, she felt just exactly the opposite way her robe was advertised to be. Carly felt a little sluttish… smutty even.

Oh well…

"GIBBY (cough wheeze) SAVE ME (wheeze cough snort) HELP ME (wheeze wheeze)" Carly said while staggering over to the couch.

* * *

"Well ladies…" Freddie said "are we ready?"

Sam and Melanie both nodded and stood and began walking toward the door with Freddie slightly behind them. About halfway to the door, Sam mentioned she had to use the restroom and goes off in that direction. Melanie pulled out her compact and mentions she would like to freshen up as well. Freddie smiles and nods, and begins to sit down in the lobby to wait.

"Freddie, go ahead and bring the car up, it looks like it may rain." Melanie said with a smirk while keeping an eye on the hostess. Perfect, this would keep Freddie away from the hostess, and vice versa.

Freddie nodded once again and went to retrieve his car. Upon entering the lounge, Melanie met Sam waiting for the rest room to become free. Perfect! Mel thought.

"Sam, let me borrow your cell, my battery has died" Melanie said looking at her phone.

The door to the rest room opened and a young girl and her mother stepped out. Sam retrieved her cell from her pocket and gave it to Mel before continuing into the rest room. Melanie smiled and followed the young girl and her mother back into the dining area and out the front door. Freddie has the car pulled up directly in front of the entrance as it had started to sprinkle. Melanie then drops both cell phones in her purse after turning them off. Then opens the passenger door and gets in.

"We can go ahead and leave, Sam ran into Robbie, an old boyfriend of hers. She will be busy with him for some time… Maybe even a few days, they did have a habit of disappearing for days on end you know." She said.

"Oh, I hadn't ever heard her speak of Robbie, ok, guess we better head back home then." Freddie said.

"Freddie, my cell battery has died, may I borrow yours please"

"Of course, here you go." He said while handing her his phone.

Melanie made a call to a friend, and returned the phone to Freddie just as they were pulling up in front of their house. He put the phone back in his pocket, not noticing that it was now turned off. Mel got out of the car, grabbed a few of Freddie's things from the back seat and took them in the house. Once in, she went directly into the kitchen and turned off the house phone on the wall. Next, going up stairs, she deposited Freddie's items on his bed, and disconnected the house phone in the master bedroom. She closed the bedroom door, revealing a full length mirror attached to it. Mel made sure her clothes weren't rumpled, unbuttoned a couple of the top buttons on her blouse and went to 'help' Freddie bring in more things from his car.

* * *

Gibby looked alarmed, Carly was choking and wheezing badly. He immediately put his cell back in his pocket and stepped over to Carly. Carly had continued to cough and wheeze, but suddenly stopped and turned to Gibby.

"Gibby, wait… I can't continue doing this. I'll be right back."

Gibby looked really confused.

Carly got off the couch, turned and ran upstairs to her room. She changed back into her clothes and returned to Gibby downstairs. "Come with me, I know where Tasha is…" She said as she opened and stood by the front door. Gibby followed her into the hallway and she closed the door.

* * *

Sam returned to the dining room and searched for her sister and Freddie. After a moment or two she noticed the hostess from earlier walking out into the parking lot from around the back of the building. Exiting the restaurant, Sam hailed the girl, asking if she had seen her sister and Freddie leave.

"Well yes, she left with the guy that does our commercials just a few minutes ago." The hostess replied.

"DAMN IT!" Sam swore "Look, are you off work? Can you give me a ride to my house, it's not far."

Sam reached into her pocket and held out a ten dollar bill; "I can pay you." She said.

"Wh whe where do, um, you live?" the girl stammered.

Sam gave the hostess the address and basic directions. The young girl nodded and said; "Well, c'mon then, you're right on my way home" and led Sam to her car.

* * *

Melanie went downstairs and saw that Freddie was still bringing things in from his car. She went outside to help with whatever was left. Taking a few small boxes, she went back inside and followed Freddie up to his room. While making light conversation she positioned herself just so… and leaned far forward while putting the small boxes on his bed. With the top buttons of her blouse unbuttoned, Freddie would have had a view of, well, nearly everything. But just then the front door slammed and Sam called from downstairs; "Oh Melanie dear… are you home?"

Melanie didn't say a thing; Freddie went to the doorway and called out to Sam that they were upstairs. Melanie stood back up and while Freddie's back was turned, quickly re-buttoned her blouse. Sam came bounding up the stairs carrying a couple of boxes of Freddie's things.

"How were things with Robbie?" Freddie asked.

"What, who?" Samantha said while placing the boxes on Freddie's bed.

"Robbie, you're boyfriend. Mel said you ran into him at the restaurant." Freddie replied.

"Oh, Melanie is mistaken. I don't know anyone named Robbie, and look… The house phone is unplugged." Sam said while plugging the phone back into the wall socket. "Freddie, is your phone off? Mel, I see your blouse is misbuttoned."

Freddie checked his phone, and turned it back on. "Well, who's Robbie then?" He asked.

Sam put her hands on Freddie's face, pulled his head down and kissed him on the forehead.

"Freddie, there is no Robbie. I really have no idea what my sister is talking about. Since you and I broke up, I've dated a few guys, never more than twice. You were my last boyfriend, and I don't have one now. Okay, I need to talk to Mel about some stuff. We'll be back in a bit."

Sam stood next to Melanie and took her by the arm, then continued; "You know Mel, I need my phone back. Also, there is another charger for your phone out in the garage. Come with me and I'll show you."

Melanie looked a bit apprehensive; Sam led Melanie out of the room. Sam smiled at Freddie on the way out and told him they would be back in no time, no time at all…

Freddie was very confused.

* * *

**The girl didn't know what to do**

**This fellow had her in a stew**

**She couldn't let go**

**Her wishes were so…**

**All she knew**

**Is you should review!**


	11. Boyfriends, Show tunes and you

_Melanie looked a bit apprehensive; Sam led Melanie out of the room. Sam smiled at Freddie on the way out and told him they would be back in no time, no time at all…_

_Freddie was very confused._

* * *

Three's A Crowd

11. Boyfriends, Show tunes and you...

Freddie didn't quite know what to make of all this. First Melanie tells him that Sam had run into her old boyfriend. Sam says she doesn't have an old boyfriend. How did Sam get home? Why was my phone off? Why did Sam have to charge Melanie's phone in the garage?

He walked over to the window and looked out into the back yard. This was just nuts. He saw the twins go into the garage, and close the door. He put a couple items away in his room before he remembered that the big LCD television wasn't hooked up yet. It could really go anywhere; he'd gotten the wireless box for it. Maybe he should ask the girls. Heading back downstairs and into the kitchen, he could hear some muffled noises coming from the back yard.

* * *

Gibby and Carly stood outside Norm's apartment door. Carly raised her hand to knock when she heard singing from inside. A duet… Show tunes?

_The hills are alive  
With the sound of music,  
With songs they have sung,  
For a thousand years.  
The hills fill my heart,  
With the sound of music…_

Gibby was startled. "Oh man… That's what she does when she uh huh's!" Gibby exclaimed.

Carly looked confused. She turned to Gibby and asked "when she uh huh's?"

"Uh huh" Gibby said nodding his head.

_I go to the hills  
When my heart is lonely.  
I know I will hear  
What I heard before.  
My heart will be blessed  
With the sound of music  
And I'll sing once more…_

Carly turned back around to listen and noted that Norm and Tasha each had nice singing voices. "Well, if Tasha sings show tunes while, um… uh huh'ing. I wonder why Norm is singing?" She asked.

"Well, c'mon Carly. It takes two to uh huh…" Gibby said.

* * *

Freddie continued outside, there were a number of soft sounding crashes and stifled yells coming from inside the garage.

"Girls, Are you two okay in there?" Freddie called.

In a moment the noises stopped and first one, then the others head popped out of the door. But only their heads, it looked really strange.

"Oh! Sure, we're good!" The top head said.

"Yes, we're great!" Echoed the bottom head.

"Well, what are you doing? Do you need any help?" Freddie asked.

"Nah…" The bottom head said.

"No. we are, um… we're giving each other, ah… pedicures." The top head said.

"Yeah, sure. That's it, pedicures. For our feet you know." The bottom head called out.

"In the garage?" Freddie asked?

"Well, duh…" The bottom head said.

"Best place for pedicures. Guys, they just don't get it." The top head said.

"Nope." The bottom head said. And both heads popped back in the garage and the door slammed shut.

Now, Freddie had seen Sam and Carly give each other pedicures before. It had usually taken place on the couch in front of the TV in the communal room of the Shay apartment. The process also involved a number of tools and implements that would have made a sixteenth century Master of the Inquisition proud. He stood and stared at the closed door for a moment or two, shook his head and went back in the house. He had completely forgotten about the TV.

* * *

"Well Carly, I'm just going to go. This is over I guess, Tasha's found someone else." Gibby said as he turned and walked back toward his car.

Carly followed him back to the parking area and stopped him before he could get into his car. "Um, Gibby… Do you think, I mean, ahhh… could you maybe teach me to sing show tunes?" She said while straightening out his collar.

Gibby stared at Carly as if she had grown a second head.

"And besides, you might need someone else to help you with your shop now maybe?" She said while drawing her finger down his chest.

"Ahhh yeah, I guess…" Gibby replied.

"Well Gibby, why don't we go back to the apartment and let me show you how I would sort your nuts…" Carly oozed while doing her own interpretation of the heiny maneuver to Gibby.

"Um, yeah… Uh huh." Gibby croaked.

"Uh huh" Carly sighed while pushing Gibby into the car.

* * *

Meanwhile, inside the garage… Mel was walking with a decided limp. Sam had a kink in her neck she was trying to get rid of. They walked around for a moment, and then sat down together on an old wooden bench…

"Why are you even doing this Mel? Are you really that interested in Freddie?"

"He's cute, and you were either finished with him or screwed it up." Mel said.

"Yeah, well you didn't help you know." Sam said.

Melanie looked incredulously at Sam and said "Me? What did I have to do with anything?"

"Don't you remember what you did at our graduation party?"

"All I remember about that party was an incredible hang over the next day" Melanie said.

Sam filled her in on the drunken things she had said to Freddie on the night of the party that had started Sam and Freddie's problems.

"Look Samantha, I'm sorry for that. But you know what? I figure I have just a good a shot with that boy as you do at this point. It's not my fault you don't know a good thing when it's in front of you!"

Saying this, Melanie got up and limped out of the garage. Sam watched her go, and sat for a moment more before getting up and following her sister. Back inside the house Sam could just barely hear Freddie and Mel talking up in Freddie's room. Heading up stairs, she was able to make out some of their conversation:

"…Melanie, I really don't know. I really haven't thought about you like that, I mean wouldn't that be kinda weird with your sister here and everything. Besides, I really still kind of like…"

"ME!" Sam thundered as she stormed into the room. She walked directly up to Freddie, grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back, pinning him against the wall. Then she said:

"Look Fredward… I know I wasn't the best girlfriend before, but I like you and I'm kind of thinking you still like me. I'm not sure just what kind of game ole Mel here is playing, but it made me see things differently. So, how 'bout it?"

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Theodore Fisher were walking from the elevator to their apartment on the eighth floor. Passing by the Shay apartment, they heard a couple singing…

_When I'm calling you - oo-oo-oo ...  
Will you answer too - oo-oo-oo ...  
That means I offer my love to you, to be your own  
If you refuse me I will be blue and waiting all alone  
But if when you hear my love call ringing clear  
And I hear your answering echo, so dear  
Then I will know our love will come true  
You belong to me, I'll belong to you _

Mrs. Fisher looked at her husband and said "Isn't that nice dear, those people are singing that old show tune, 'Indian Love Call' from the movie Rose Marie."

Mr. Fisher shook his head, and shrugged.

* * *

**Alrighty then!**

**What will Freddie say? What will Melanie do?**

**All answered in the next**

**ACTION PACKED EPISODE**

**Of**

**Three's A Crowd!**

* * *

_**Don't forget to check out my new multi chapter;**_

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**Tech-Man, KingxLeon21, JamesTheGreater and BaalRules;**

**You guys just don't know…**

**Thanks!**

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	12. DANG! LOOKIT THAT THING!

_Mrs. Fisher looked at her husband and said "Isn't that nice dear, those people are singing that old show tune, 'Indian Love Call' from the movie Rose Marie."_

_Mr. Fisher shook his head, and shrugged._

**Three's A Crowd**

12. DANG! LOOKIT THAT THING!!!

Freddie's expression was pure surprise! He spluttered out a few incomprehensible noises before his expression changed back to more normal and he started nodding his head;

"Okay, okay I get it now. I see what you two are doing… Sorry but it just isn't going to work any more. I'm just not that gullible now. Good try though. Good try to the both of you." Freddie said looking from Sam to Mel and back again.

Sam and Mel were dumbstruck. Freddie had taken this the wrong way…

"Yes, I see" Freddie continued "You were going to have a lot of fun at ole Freddie's expense, weren't you. It is kind of funny I guess. Which one of you two came up with the idea?"

The sisters were still too surprised and astonished to speak. He smiled and removed Sam's arms from his shoulders and gave her a small hug.

Freddie continued; "Won't say huh, well can't blame you. Okay, shows over, sorry to spoil your fun but I really have to get some of this stuff put away. I'm also really tired, so out you go! Goodnight ladies, sleep well."

He finished this last statement while gently nudging the sisters out of the bedroom and into the hall. He closed his door, and the girls heard the lock 'click'.

* * *

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Gibby! That was…"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"The most luscious…"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"And incredible…"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Experience that I…"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Ever remember…"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Sharing! Gibby, that was divine!"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Yes sweetie?"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Gibby! Not again!"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Well mister, you really…"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Can't ignore that!"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"How do you…"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"Do that so soon…"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"After… DANG! LOOKIT THAT THING!!!"

"**Oh Carly**…"

"_I…_

_could…_

_have…_

_danced all night!  
I could have danced all night!  
And still have begged for more.  
I could have spread my wings  
And done a thousand things I've never done before.  
I'll never know What made it so exciting;  
Why all at once My heart took flight. I only know when he  
Began to dance with me I could have danced,  
danced, danced all night!"_

* * *

The sisters were staring at the closed door. Melanie was in shock. Sam, on the other hand, had a sly grin.

"He doesn't believe us!" Melanie said to no one.

"Nope" Sam replied.

"He thinks this is all some joke!" Mel continued.

"Yep" Sam replied.

"He thinks you and I are trying to pull some sick prank!" Mel said turning to her sister.

"That's true" Sam said.

"Why would he think that?" Melanie asked the door.

"I don't know," Sam answered "but I'm sure glad he does!"

Sam turned to Melanie and gently pinched her cheek "You're so cute when you're clueless."

"What?" asked Mel.

Sam smiled and turned back toward her room. Before entering, she turned and told her sister;

"If you're not sure, you should just go in and ask Freddie what he's got on his mind. He always appreciates interruptions. He sees them as breaks from whatever he's working on at the time."

Sam smiled sweetly, went into her room and quietly closed her door. Mel thought she would ask Freddie why he thought they were joking tomorrow. She really was curious why Sam had smiled at her like that. That just didn't make sense!

* * *

Meanwhile, over at Norm and Tasha's:

"…Oh Normy! Dressing up like Lightning McQueen is just so hot… Where's my Sally outfit…"

* * *

"**Uh huh, Uh huh**!"

_Seventy-six trombones led the big parade, With a hundred and ten cornets close at hand.  
They were followed by rows and rows__ of the finest virtuosos, the cream of ev'ry famous band.  
_  
"**Uh huh, Uh huh**!"

* * *

Sitting on her vanity chair (she would never sit on her bed, it mussed the covers so!) Mel wondered just what it was that Sam had meant. Sam had said "He always appreciates interruptions" but wasn't sure if Sam really meant that or if she was misleading her. 'Shucks!' Mel thought. I thought this was going to be easy to bag this boy. This guy is far to good for the likes of sister. Sam needs, um… Sam needs a hooligan! Yes! A hooligan is just what Samantha needs to, um… round her out! Yes! Samantha needs rounding out, or something. Well, there's just gobs of hooligans at school. Maybe I can even find a hooligan that's a ruffian as well… Yes… a hooligan hunting I shall go.

After a ten or fifteen minute search, Sam had finally found an old coffee cup in her room that didn't have anything growing in the bottom of it. She dumped the twenty four tablets into the cup and ground them up very fine with an old spoon. Next, she took the finely ground powder and dumped it into Mel's teeth whitening powder. Going back into her room, she began to tear the box the tablets were in into tiny pieces… 'This is going to be a blast!' Sam thought. She re-read the box label before tearing it up, and laughed. She decided it really was time for bed, but she couldn't stop chuckling. 'This is going to be good…' she thought.

* * *

**"DOUBLE CLUTCH THAT THING NORMY!" **Tasha yelled.

* * *

**Alrighty then!**

**Will Mel find Sam's hooligan?**

**What is that powder Sam made?**

**Will it make Melanie's teeth whiter?**

**Could Freddie be any more clueless?**

**What is it Normy should shift into high gear?**

**Just how many show tunes does Carly know?**

**~All answered in the next~**

**ACTION PACKED EPISODE**

**Of**

'**Three's A Crowd!'**

_**Don't forget to check out my new multi chapter;**_

'**BACK IN SEATTLE'**

**A thrill a minute wrapped in alphabet love!**

* * *

Did you know the temporary intelligence boost you receive while reading one of my fan fiction stories can be made to last even longer by leaving a review! My suggestion: Before any test or quiz, read a chapter or two of one of my scrumptious stories, leave a review stating how wonderful it was, then immediately go and take the test.

I'm sure you'll score much higher.

Really!


	13. Baby, I gots da ham n hooligan blues

'_This is going to be a blast!' Sam thought. She re-read the box label before tearing it up, and laughed. She decided it really was time for bed, but she couldn't stop chuckling. 'This is going to be good…'_

**Three's A Crowd**

13. Baby, I gots dem low down, ham n hooligan blues…

* * *

By the time Sam got up, Melanie was long gone. Who knows where she goes so early in the morning. Sam checked the medicine cabinet, but couldn't tell if the whitening powder had been used or not. She was not sure how long it took for the '_**Blamo Xtra Double-Strength Natural Vegetable Laxative Tablets**_' to work. She made herself some breakfast: a bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich, hold the bread, lettuce and tomato.

Melanie was already on campus, checking her GPS for directions. Her first stop was going to be interesting. 'Who would have thought they had their own fraternity' she thought. Driving down the little side street, she saw it. A big white sign with black lettering:

HOOLIGANUS BEUS

Parking her car, she walked up to the door with a little trepidation.

"Here it is lady, you sure you want to go in there?" The small boy asked.

Melanie steeled her courage: "Yes… yes, I'm going in!"

The young man shrugged "Okay, but never let it be said that Tony Trepidation didn't warn you!"

Melanie felt brassy, and had a spring in her step. She rang the doorbell and waited. A tiny metallic voice said "Hermelph downda scheech".

She looked confused "What? What was that?" she said.

"Hermelph downda scheech, Agwolnga."

"Um…" was her witty reply.

The door slowly opened. Two toga togged boys came out of the building. "Hullo" Toga boy one said.

Toga boy two nodded at Mel and hollered back inside "OKAY, TRY IT."

The tiny metallic voice squeaked out of the speaker again: "Hermelph downda scheech, Agwolnga."

Toga boy one turned to Toga boy two "I told you we should have bought a better one, you can't even understand this one!"

Toga boy two said "Well, when you're right, you're right" while shaking his head. Looking at Mel, he continued "Please, go right in miss. Hooliganus Maximus is at the desk just inside the door."

Melanie smiled and thanked them and stepped into the entry. Suddenly, sirens were blaring and bells ringing in alarm! She didn't know what to think! Looking around the dimly lit room she noticed another young man, a very handsome young man, dressed in a magenta toga rising from his chair behind a desk. Walking over to a control panel on the wall, he pushed a button and the noise stopped.

"What was that?" Melanie asked excitedly.

"Oh, well… did you steel your courage to ring the bell?" magenta boy asked.

"I guess, yes." Mel replied.

"Uh huh… feeling peppy? Got a spring in your step?" the fellow asked while returning to his desk.

"Well, yes… yes I guess I do." Mel said.

"So, ahhh… feeling a bit brassy today?" he asked smiling.

He has such a nice smile… "I guess… I dunno" Mel smiled back.

Magenta boy nodded knowingly "you set off our metal detector, it's very sensitive…"

"Oh!" Mel exclaimed.

"So what can we do for you, miss…?"

"My name is Melanie. I need a hooligan, who's maybe a ruffian as well. Not too rough mind you, just a little rough around the edges would be fine"

"Okay, and this is for?" The handsome boy asked.

"A boyfriend, I'll need a boyfriend for a bit, do you rent them?" Mel asked.

The handsome boy in the magenta toga arched his eyebrows and smiled. He looked so… fetching.

* * *

WOW! "Gibby said.

"Like that didja sweetie?" Carly asked.

"You bet! I never knew anybody actually made 'awesome sauce'! It's awesome!" he said.

"Well, who would have known, I've never tried fried cantaloupe and catsup either with awesome sauce. It was intriguing. Yeah that's it. Intriguing"

"So, umm… would you like to be my official okee dokee you betcha one and only nut sorting girl?"

"Yes, Gibby, I certainly would! But let me tell you sweetie, I'm the only one. If I ever catch anyone else shucking your nuts, you'll be nothing but sprinkles. Okay babe?"

* * *

Hooliganus Maximus pressed a button on his desk. Mel could hear some bells ringing upstairs. Next she saw a number of toga clad boys running down the stairs and forming a line in a large room over on her left. Then the fetching one in the Magenta toga asked her to follow him into that room. As they entered the room, Melanie noticed that the toga clad boys were standing in ranks. Just inside the door, Hooliganus Maximus stopped and introduced a young fellow dressed in a blue toga, standing by himself.

"This is our Sergeant At Hooliganisum" HM said.

The boy nodded to Mel and she back. HM now stopped in front of the group of blue, yellow and white toga clad boys standing in formation and asked Mel:

"So will any of these do, Miss?"

"Oh, well let's have a look see then. And I'm so sorry, I didn't introduce myself. My name is Melanie, Melanie Puckett."

* * *

Norm and Tasha were sitting on his plastic covered spill proof couch. The TV was on the Car Channel and they were watching re-runs of the old 'My Mother the Car' sitcom from the sixties. Every so often they would gaze longingly into each others eyes. When they did so, they would see… each others eyes.

* * *

Freddie had slept in. When he wandered down stairs Sam was just finishing her BLT (hold all but the bacon).

"Morning Sam."

"Hey Freddie, you're the sleepyhead today. You okay?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. I was just tired. Have you tried any of these instant breakfasts from Marvelous Meals yet?" Freddie said while taking one out of the new chest freezer.

"Didn't even know they were there, what are they?" Sam said.

"I don't know, let's experiment." He said as he took a second plastic wrapped package out of the freezer. "The label says it's a frozen, egg, bacon, smoked ham, Canadian bacon, honey baked ham, boiled ham, baked pineapple ham, fried ham, and canned ham omelet with pork poppers and fried potato's with bacon bit garnish."

"Yummers! Let's try it!" Sam said.

Freddie placed one in the microwave while Sam came to help him set the table for two. Then they both helped getting the coffee ready. All the while they continued to steal glances at each other, smiling to themselves.

* * *

Hooliganus Maximus's jaw dropped, as did all the other jaws in the room (except Melanie's of course).

"Did you say your name is Melanie Puckett?" HM asked.

"Why yes, that's my name… why?"

All the toga clad boys fell to the floor.

* * *

**Well then!**

**What's up with the Hooligans?**

**Will Freddie and Sam like their ham?**

**Why do they keep checking each other out?**

**Will Carly and Gibby start a fried cantaloupe food stand?**

**Can anyone really be lame enough to watch re-runs of My Mother the Car?**

**All this and more answered in the next**

**ACTION PACKED EPISODE**

**Of**

**Three's A Crowd!**

_**Don't forget to check out my other multi chapter;**_

'**BACK IN SEATTLE'**

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* * *

**_Some enchanted review_**

**_Left for me just from you_**

**_Tell me if it's P U_**

**_Tell me if it's lame_**

**_Some enchanted review_**

**_Do I not have a clue_**

**_Does it smell like old stew_**

**_Should I be ashamed…_**

('Some Enchanted Evening' from Rodgers and Hammerstein's 'South Pacific' 1949)

(Slight lyric revision…)


	14. Volcanoes in pink mini skirts

"_Did you say your name is Melanie Puckett?" HM asked._

"_Why yes, that's my name… why?"_

_All the toga clad boys fell to the floor._

**Three's A Crowd **

14. Volcanoes in pink mini skirts

Gibby and Carly got in Gibby's car (aptly named the nut mobile) and drove over to his store. On the way he explained to Carly a new idea he had for his nuts...

"…and then, I extract the juice in my patented nut masher, add a twig for esthetics, you know, instead of a stick, freeze it, and viola! They are soooo good! I call them 'Nut Licks'." Gibby exclaimed.

"Wow" said Carly "They sound so, um… exciting!"

"Yup, you know they just feel so good on your tongue. It's indescribable." Gibby said.

Parking behind his shop, Gibby and Carly entered through the back door.

"Well Carly, here it is! It's the nuttiest place on the planet, with all my nuts on display!"

Gibby explains the various functions they will be doing. Carly is a very astute student, and has Gibby's Nuts mastered in no time.

* * *

Sitting at the kitchen table, munching their 'Marvelous Meals' breakfasts, Sam said:

"Freddie, these are really good!"

"Yeah, I did some web commercials for them, and they gave me some free samples. They were great also. So I stepped it up a notch and made them a major sponsor. We're eating the result. Wait until we have the steak, pork shops or baked ham. Their fried chicken is fabulous." Freddie said.

"So what do you have going on today?" Sam asked.

"Oh, class at one this afternoon. Then I've got some AV tutoring at two thirty. It's a new girl that's learning the tech producer ropes. I'm going to have her do this evening's webcast." Freddie replied.

"Who is she?" Sam asked.

"Her name is Belinda. A real fast learner, too… Very advanced skills, but she has no practical, hands on experience. She's going to be great for the show."

"Oh, I've got no plans this afternoon or evening, mind if I tag along?" Sam said.

"Yeah, that would be great! I don't mind at all, the cast and Belinda would be very happy to meet one of the original creators of the show. I'll come by and pick you up after class. I tutor over at Carly's, in our old loft."

Sam's smile was, wicked "Good…" she said.

* * *

Melanie was appalled, but intrigued as well. All the toga clad boys were laying flat on the floor until the Sergeant At Hooliganism chanted loudly:

"**WE'RE NOT WORTHY, WE'RE NOT WORTHY**…"

At the beginning of his chant the other boys rose up on all fours and began bowing to the floor in unison. While Mel thought the whole ongoing chant and prostration thing was totally lame-o, she did notice one unintended result of the bowing. All the boys' toga's were riding up, shifting higher and higher. This would presumably reveal, um… things not intended to be revealed. If only she stepped around and viewed them from a different, maybe a rear angle.

* * *

Norm and Tasha had slept in, both of them worn out from all the very frequent 'pit stops' of the previous night. Although groggy, Tasha leaned over and whispered into Norm's ear: "Baby, I need my tires rotated…"

Norm's eyes popped open, and he grinned. "Yes ma'am, we do operate a full service station, and we aim to please…" he said.

"Oh Normy, yes… I need servicing in the worst way." Tasha purred as Norm shifted, ah… gears.

* * *

Carly and Gibby were busy setting up shop for the day. Gibby remembering things every now and again that he had forgotten to tell her. Carly was busily sorting Gibby's nuts, first by type, then size, and finally color. Suddenly Gibby turned from what he was doing and said:

"Oh! I forgot to tell you something very important! It's how to improve the texture and aroma!"

"How is that?" Carly asked.

"It's done by nut massaging. Nut massaging is nearly a lost art. I learned it from an old Nut Monk. Try it." Gibby said.

"Try what, massaging a nut?" Carly exclaimed.

"Sure, go ahead and try it." Gibby said.

Carly picked up a nut… "No, get two nuts, you know, a pair of nuts." Gibby stated.

Carly added another walnut to the first, and began rubbing. "Wow, Gibby! This is really relaxing! And the aroma is just… wonderful!"

"Yes Carly, a good nut rubbing is beneficial for the soul…"

* * *

Melanie looked around and decided on her path, directly through the mass of toga clad boys. Upon getting past the last line of bowing Hooligans, she turned and slightly blushed. 'Oh my…' she thought, this is indeed a view she'd never imagined. She also wondered if they went without in ancient days. 'Wouldn't it be a little… breezy?' Suddenly, the Sergeant At Hooliganism called loudly "ABOUT FACE!"

"DON'T YOU DARE MOVE AN INCH!" Melanie yelled, and the boys stayed put. "AND STOP ALL THAT PRATTLE! HUSH!" The room instantly became quiet. She calmly searched her purse for her notepad and pen and began her… inspection. She strolled behind the boys, tapping her pen on her lower lip while she was making notes and mumbling things like:

"Oh yes, very nice" or "eh!" and a few "Hmmm, long but thin" or "Short but stout!" Once she stopped and said rather loudly "My goodness! He must be a donkey!"

Finally she stopped and was directly behind the cute one, in the magenta toga. Her breath hitched before sighing deliciously. 'I see there's more than one reason they call him Hooliganus Maximus! Yes, he'd do nicely, well proportioned, toned and ready for business he is. Oh yes, he's the one…' Melanie thought.

* * *

Sam whiled away most of the day watching re-runs of cartoons and reading her sisters fashion magazines. The magazines were one of the few reasons she enjoyed Melanie living here. Mel took them all on subscription. She got dozens of magazines every month, and although Sam would never admit it, she really enjoyed reading them. Sam would sneak them out of Melanie's room, read them and then return them to her sister's room exactly as she found them. She checked the time, and found she just had enough time to get ready before Freddie was due back to pick her up.

Freddie came in just on schedule, and Sam was ready just a few moments later. The drive over to Carly's apartment was much too short as far as she was concerned. They had chatted idly and joked a bit, and then they were there. Parking his car, Freddie got out and opened Sam's door before she could, and held her hand to help her out, and didn't let go. They walked, hand in hand, over to the elevator and Sam pressed the 'up' button. When the doors opened, and they stepped in, Freddie let go of her hand and pressed '8' on the panel. He didn't move to take Sam's hand again, but she did and intertwined her fingers with his. Once again, the ride up was over far too quickly. They walked down the hall and didn't drop each others hands until Freddie opened the apartment door for Sam. That's when it happened, that's when Sam saw Belinda for the first time.

"FREDDIE!" Belinda chirped "I am so ready for this!" she continued while taking both of Freddie's hands in hers and smiling. Belinda's smile would have lit up half a block of houses.

Freddie smiled back.

Sam's mouth dropped open. Belinda wasn't cute, she was drop dead gorgeous. And as hot as a volcano. All that smoking hot heat was barely contained by a paisley print pink mini skirt and hot pink tank top. And it was aimed right at Freddie Benson.

* * *

**WOW!**

**What's up with Belinda and Freddie?**

**Will Carly find another way to massage Gibby's nuts?**

**What was Melanie commenting and writing notes about?**

**Has Tasha found her permanent service station attendant?**

**What did Melanie mean when she called that boy a donkey?**

**All this and more will be revealed in the next**

**ACTION PACKED EPISODE**

**Of**

**Three's A Crowd!**

_**Don't forget to check out my other multi chapter;**_

'**BACK IN SEATTLE'**

It's brimming with mystery and intrigue!

* * *

**Tech-Man, KingxLeon21, JamesTheGreater axel100 and BaalRules;**

**You guys ROCK!**

**OK, One more tiny bit of**

**MAJOR IMPORTANCE**

**If you've never read the work of**

**pearlbutton328**

**go and do it now.**

**It's amazing stuff!**

* * *

_You're off to write a re-view_

_A wonderful review for me_

_Because Because_

_Because Because_

_-Because-_

_Because of the wonderful_

_Things it does!_

_You're off to write a re-view_

_A wonderful review for me!_

('We're Off to See the Wizard' from MGM's 'Wizard of Oz' 1939)

(Slight lyric revision…)


	15. Do the tighten up!

**Okee Dokee! After a month away, I'm back working on this fic! YAY! **

**:pig~**

_Sam's mouth dropped open, Belinda wasn't cute; she was drop dead gorgeous, and as hot as a volcano. All that smoking hot heat was barely contained by a paisley print pink mini skirt and hot pink tank top. And it was aimed right at Freddie Benson._

**Three's A Crowd **

15. Do the tighten up!

Melanie had spent most of the morning finding out just what all the hubbub was about with the Hooligans. It seems that her Father and Mother had indeed started the club, and that they were held in very high, nearly god like status. That meant that she and her sister were demigods in the very least. HM had shown her the room where they had an altar set up with photographs of her mother and father, and pictures of Sam and herself when they were toddlers. Melanie thought all this could come in very handy, if she played her cards right. She asked if she could interview the accolades individually. HM explained that her most fleeting wish was like a command. She set herself up at a desk, and had the boys come in one by one. She had problems remembering just who it was she was speaking with, since she hadn't paid much attention to their faces when she had done her earlier inspection. She set out her notepad computer and a small camera. As each boy came in, she took his photo and name, address and telephone number, then she had them lift their togas so she could match them to her written notes of earlier. After a bit, she was finished, but noticed that all of their addresses were the same. She asked Hooliganus Maximus about the addresses. He told her that they all lived here, at the Fraternity.

'Well now' she thought 'that will certainly come in very handy for… research. Yes, that's it… research. Convenient one stop research. '

* * *

Carly had finished the nut massage and was back to sorting. Gibby walked over with a small pile of brown paper and showed her what he had…

"Now Carly, these are my nut sacks. I get them unsealed much cheaper than if they were pre-sealed. So we have to moisten the glue edge here and stick them together."

Gibby showed her how to do it using a small sponge in a cup.

"Well sweetie, I have a better idea!" Carly said.

She stuck out her tongue and ran it slowly along the edge of the sack. Gibby started to breathe irregularly.

"Wow, that's just… well, I've never seen anybody lick a nut sack before…" Gibby said.

* * *

Melanie asked if there were any vacant rooms upstairs. HM assured her that there were, and asked if she would like to see some.

"Yes, please!" Melanie said while nodding.

He led her upstairs and showed her the empty rooms, with blank walls, thread bare carpet on the floor and a single bright light hanging from the center of the ceiling.

"Well this just won't do at all!" Melanie said. "Get a good, white carpet and rip this mess up. I want mirrors on the ceiling and all the walls, even on the back of the door. And you had better sound proof the walls also. I want a good, solid king size bed with satin sheets. Get a couple brass floor lamps with ruby red shades and put them in the corners. How fast can you get this done?"

"Um… end of the week?" HM replied.

"Okay, good. Now get to work, so I can begin my… um… research." Mel commanded.

HM nodded and went to draw up a list of jobs for the various Hooligans needed to complete Melanie's request.

* * *

Anyone walking outside Gibby's Nut Shop that morning heard:

**Gibby**  
_Oh tell me, pretty maiden,  
Are there any more at home like you?_

**Carly**  
_There are a few, kind sir,  
But simple girls, and proper too._

**Gibby**  
_Then tell me pretty maiden  
What these very simple girlies do._

**Carly**  
_Kind sir, their manners are perfection  
And the opposite of mine._

(From the stage show '_Florodora' _performed in 1899.

* * *

Melanie left the Hooligan's fraternity after enjoying a bowl of Hooligan Stew for lunch. She had some shopping to do. Of course, being Sam's twin, she knew all the intimate details of Sam's shopping habits, and the shops where these habits were available. With many a gag and harrumph, within a couple hours she had purchased an entire wardrobe of Sam-ish clothing. Her diabolical plan was nearly ready to be put in motion. Freddie would be hers and hers alone. She soon returned to the HOOLIGANUS BEUS building, found Holliganus Maximus and gave him some more instructions.

"…and after you've finished that, I need a current class schedule for Fredward Benson." Melanie said while handing HM a picture of Freddie.

* * *

Sam was stunned. Belinda was nearly rubbing herself up and down on Freddie while he tried to show her how to handle the camera. Sam had seen enough, she announced she needed to pee, and left for the restroom. As soon as she was in the hallway, she whipped out her cell phone and prayed to the lords of ham that she had remembered to charge it. She opened the phone and thanked the Great Honey Baked, it had a full charge. She texted: _'911 911 911 911 911 911 at the Shay apt' _to her sister. This was indeed a five alarm fire, named Belinda.

* * *

Melanie was talking to Ivan Bigun, or donkey boy as she thought of him, when her cell buzzed indicating a text. "Oh my… five!" She said to herself. She immediately called her sister.

"Yes… uh huh… yes… OH NO! REALLY!" Melanie said into the phone.

"…yeah!" Sam said "and her gazoombas are so big they should have their own zip codes! Get over here right away!"

Melanie turned to Ivan: "Do you have a pair of dancing tights?"

"Ah, no." Ivan said.

"We'll just have to get some on the way then. Come with me." Mel commanded.

* * *

Sam felt better after calling her sister. Normally, she would just deck the intruding girl. For some reason, she thought it best not to, at least not to in front of Freddie, for now anyway. Freddie had managed to extract himself from Belinda's clutches. Now he was actually beginning to offer her some instruction on the use of the camera, much to Belinda's obvious displeasure. Suddenly, Belinda dropped a piece of paper on the floor, said "oopsie!" turned so her back was square with Freddie and bent at the waist to pick it up. Sam's jaw hit the floor. Due to the mini skirt Belinda was almost wearing, and the method she employed in bending over, the view presented to Freddie (and anyone else behind Belinda) went on for miles…

* * *

Melanie had left immediately with donkey boy in tow. Driving like mad, she made it to 'Delightful Dance Togs' in less than five minutes. Parking her car and entering the store, Melanie found a clerk and gave her explicit instructions:

"Yes, get him fitted with a pair of cream colored women's dance tights that are about two sizes to small, quickly!"

The clerk looked at Mel in total shock "Women's tights? Two sizes to small? Cream colored? But that will show… everything!"

"Exactly" Melanie said. Turning to donkey boy she continued "and no underwear! None at all!"

The clerk led the young man away to the fitting area, turning back to stare at Melanie every so often. Soon, Melanie could hear women's voices.

"Oh my!" Said one.

"Oh my stars… it's… it's divine!" Said another.

"Um… listen sonny. You ever considered a cougar?" Said a third.

Hearing this, Melanie barged in and assessed the situation. Grabbing his arm, she yanked him back into the store to have a look. 'Oh yes, this is… massively perfect.' She thought.

She took the shirtless, barefoot boy with tights so tight it resembled a second skin back to the sales counter and paid the bill. Pushing the young man back into her car, she continued driving like a maniac while giving Ivan instructions…

"…and when we get into the apartment, you're going to see a hot girl in a pink mini skirt, another hottie that looks just like me, and maybe some others as well. You go straight for the mini skirt girl, and just stand there and breath deeply… in and out… allot."

* * *

**WOW!**

**What's up with Belinda?**

**What happened to Tasha and Norm?**

**Why did Melanie want donkey boys' tights two sizes to small?**

**Will Carly find another way to lick and stick Gibby's nut sacks?**

**What did the third voice mean when she asked if Ivan wanted a cougar?**

**All this and more will be revealed in the next**

**ACTION PACKED EPISODE**

**Of**

**Three's A Crowd!**

* * *

_**Don't forget to check out my other multi chapter;**_

'**BACK IN SEATTLE'**

It's brimming with mystery and intrigue!

* * *

**Tech-Man, KingxLeon21, JamesTheGreater axel100, BaalRules and myjumpingsocks;**

**You guys (and gal) ROCK!**

* * *

**OK, One more tiny bit of**

**MAJOR IMPORTANCE**

**If you've never read the work of**

whispered love 13

**go and do it now.**

**It's amazing stuff!**

* * *

Please go write a review

LA LA

You know that's what we do

LA LA

If you write a review

Yes really, if you do

You can tell me

If this fic's

Turned you're mind to goo

So please leave a review

LA LA

(I think that's the lamest review whine I've ever done!)


	16. Her Boy?

"…_and when we get into the apartment, you're going to see a hot girl in a pink mini skirt, another hottie that looks just like me, and maybe some others as well. You go straight for the mini skirt girl, and just stand there and breath deeply… in and out… allot."_

**Three's A Crowd **

16. Her Boy?

Sam was getting mad. Well maybe mad was an understatement. She was furious. Just who did this hussy, Belinda, think she was? She's showing and using her ample wares to get to Freddie, which was obvious. But Freddie seemed unaffected. He also continued to attempt to show Belinda what needed to be done to make the web show work. All Belinda seemed interested in was nearly 'doing' her boy right here in front of everyone.

Whoa, did she just think that? '…her boy?'

"Um… Freddistud. You have a little problem there mister?" Sam asked.

Freddie didn't respond in words. Instead he turned to Sam with a pleading look in his eyes. That was all Sam needed.

* * *

Melanie was driving like a maniac. Stopping to get 'Donkey Boy' his new togs had set her far behind schedule, her schedule anyway. She knew that offering to '_help_' her sister would set herself up as the heroine, not Sam. Mel was also surprised that Sam hadn't seen through this little ploy yet. Sam is normally quicker than that… If Sam wants to just _hand her _Freddie on a silver platter, so be it!

'Damn!' Mel thought. She just ran a red light. 'Oh well… Oh hell…' There were red lights on a police cruiser right behind her. 'Damn!'

* * *

Tasha woke from a fitful sleep. She and Norm had pulled another all-nighter counting cars. She had a headache, and just felt off, but she knew why. Her dreams were shrouded with Gibby, and his nuts. She looked over at the sleeping Norm and knew she had a problem.

* * *

Sam stepped over to one of the props closets and took a trench coat off its hanger. Draping it over her arm she smiled as she ambled over to Belinda. Taking Belinda's arm she pulled the surprised girl in the mini skirt over to the door, and out into the hallway.

Once out in the hallway Sam quietly closed the door and turned, still smiling toward Belinda. Then Sam shoved Belinda up against the wall.

"Listen hun… Freddie's having some problems with your comprehension and retention. I think it's because you're a little chilly in that outfit…"

Sam slammed Belinda into the wall and said: "PUT!"

Sam slammed Belinda into the wall again and said: "ON!"

Sam slammed Belinda into the wall once more and said: "THIS!"

Sam slammed Belinda into the wall a final time and said: "COAT!"

"Do we understand each other sweetie?" Sam growled.

Belinda was a bit dazed, but nodded her head yes and took the coat and put it on.

"Button it!" Sam said.

The stunned girl buttoned up the coat and tied the belt. All the while her mouth hung open and her eyes screamed pure and total terror.

Sam drug Belinda back into the studio and pushed her over to Freddie's cart.

"All fixed Fredderly! She was just a bit cold, so we lent her a coat to wear." Sam said smiling.

Freddie nodded and smiled back.

Before Sam resumed her place at the back of the studio, she brushed up against Belinda and whispered in her ear;

"If you touch, or even smile at my boy again, you won't wake up for at least a year. Maybe two."

Sam then smiled at Freddie again, and resumed her seat in the back. In thirty minutes, the show was over and Belinda ran out of the studio tossing the coat to Sam on the way out.

* * *

Melanie pulled her car over to the side of the street and parked. The police cruiser parked directly behind her. Mel got her driver's license, registration and insurance papers ready, and rolled down her window. Then she smirked and undid three of the top buttons on her blouse. She was ready for Mr. Policeman…

* * *

Carly was standing in the back of Gibby's Nut House store, watching Gibby. 'This boy is nuts!' she thought to herself. All he thinks about are his damn nuts and singing silly songs while getting his nuts… serviced. Carly thought she was nutty in love with the guy, but as the 'honeynut' (as Gibby called it) stage was wearing off, he was wearing thin. Carly was convinced he was really cracked. His 'Heiny Maneuver' performance was thrilling. But when tasked with real performance, all he had to work with was about the same as a peanut. A girl has to have _SOMETHING_ to, um… sustain her! Sheesh!

* * *

Tasha lay in bed thinking. Norm was okay… but he frikken counted _everything. _He counted cars, sure. But, he counted the cups in the cupboard, the dirty dishes in the sink, the tines on the forks, the amount of words you spoke… everything! What irked her most though were the hash marks that he made on the wall above the headboard after… well you know. And a lot of those hash marks weren't even hers!

* * *

Freddie was shutting down everything in the studio and putting stuff away. Sam got up from her chair and walked over to his cart.

"Um… Freddie… That Belinda girl is really hot, huh." She said.

Freddie looked at Sam for a moment before speaking. Finally, he said; "Well, yeah. Yeah, she is hot."

"So, why didn't you go for it? I mean, it wasn't like she wasn't trying to get you're attention. She practically threw herself at you." Sam said.

"Well, ya know. She just isn't my style. And besides, I kinda have my eyes on someone else…" Freddie smirked.

"Oh… um, who?" Sam asked.

* * *

Melanie chuckled, thinking that with these buttons left unbuttoned, well there was just no way she would be getting a ticket today. She checked the rear view mirror again and gasped! I wasn't a _policeman_ getting out of the cruiser, it was a policewoman! While she buttoned her blouse back up she turned to Donkey Boy and told him to sit up straight and begin practicing his deep breathing. The officer walked up to the driver's window and asked for Melanie's license and registration, and then said:

"HOLY SMOKES! WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT BONE… er… um… IS THAT THING REAL?"

As the policewoman studied Donkey Boy. Melanie knew… She'd be just fine.

* * *

**WOW!**

**What's wrong with Carly?**

**What's wrong with Tasha?**

**Why did Belinda run away?**

**Who do you think Freddie has his eyes on?**

**Why did the policewoman call attention to a **_**bone**_**?**

**Why did Melanie want donkey boy to begin breathing in and out?**

**Why did Sam bounce Belinda off a wall a few times and make her wear a coat?**

**All this and more will be revealed in the next**

**ACTION PACKED EPISODE**

**Of**

**Three's A Crowd!**

* * *

**Tech-Man, KingxLeon21, JamesTheGreater axel100, BaalRules,**

**Myjumpingsocks, BoxOfTrinkets**

**You guys (and gals) ROCK!**

* * *

**OK, One more tiny bit of**

**MAJOR IMPORTANCE**

**axel100**

**Has written the most**

**MARVELOUS STORY!**

_Chasing Their Horizon_

**It is truly a**

**MUST READ!**

**And**

**If you've never read the work of**

**BoxOfTrinkets**

**whispered love 13**

**IronishRose**

**go and do it now.**

**It's amazing stuff!**

* * *

Even if this smells like poo

Would you please write me a review?

You can make it short and sweet

Or real long, I will not bleat!

I promise I won't say PU

If you give me a review

:pig~


	17. Get A Grip

"_HOLY SMOKES! WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT BONE… er… um… IS THAT THING REAL?"_

_As the policewoman studied Donkey Boy. Melanie knew… She'd be just fine._

**Three's A Crowd **

17. Get A Grip

Melanie was smiling as she continued driving toward Bushwell Plaza. She didn't get a ticket. She was able to 'negotiate' the ticket away by guaranteeing Ms. Policewoman three '_dates_' with '_the donkey_'. This was going to be a great day! A great day indeed!

* * *

"Jeez Sam! What do you mean who?" Freddie said.

"Well, I don't know! Who?" Sam exclaimed.

"Well if you can't figure it out… Just… Figure it out!" Freddie said, exasperated.

Freddie turned and walked out the door, and down the stairs. Sam following his every step, yelling: "WHO! Who Freddie?"

* * *

Carly was sitting in the midst of Gibby's nuts, still liking his nutsacks, watching the boy as he dusted and polished his nuts on display. A deliveryman came to the door, and dropped off a package. Gibby was very excited. But then, he was always excited while polishing his nuts. He signed for the package and rushed back to Carly, calling her name all the while.

"Carly! Carly! You must see this! This is the greatest thing ever!" He said while carefully opening the box and pulling out what looked to be a withered, nearly dead, tiny tree.

"This is a Moldavian Ukoo tree! It only grows on the banks of the Moldova River!" He said.

"It looks dead…" Carly remarked.

"No, no that's when the Ukoo tree is at its prime. It just looks dead… see all the tiny Ukoo nuts it has? Ukoo nut oil make things grow huge. Supposedly, anything you put Ukoo nut oil on nearly triples in size! They also say it's good for Ukoo ice cream." Gibby beamed.

"…anything… triples in size?" Carly smilingly asked.

* * *

Tasha was at a crossroads. She really liked Norm, but his incessant counting was just a bit much! Last night she had shaved her legs… he had made a huge thing about collecting the discarded hair and counting each sprout! UGH! But then she saw it… the roses. Nine beautiful roses in a lovely vase. The note said: _To my COUNTESS Tasha, Love COUNT Norm._ She Awwwed quite loudly and thought: _He's such a moron, but he's my moron… Wait, what does that make me?_

* * *

Melanie pulled into the parking lot at Bushwell Plaza and parked. Since _'the donkey'_ could hardly move in his tights, she helped him out of the car. While making their way across the lot to the elevator, she noticed he was squeaking with each step, and he was squirming constantly. When Mel confronted the boy about this, his response was;

"These things are so tight I can hardly move! It's the tights that are squeaking, they got all twisted in the car!"

Melanie stopped him in front of the elevator doors and told him to fix the tights.

"I've tried, but I can't get a grip on them, you try, your hands are smaller. Maybe you can twist the pants around." He said.

Melanie, never having been bashful, stuck one hand down the front of his pants and her other hand down the rear. She did manage to straighten the pants out, but her arms were stuck. She was leaning over attempting to pull her forearms out of the boys pants, without much luck.

That's when the elevator door opened, and Freddie and Sam stepped out.

Stunned does not truly describe their expressions.

Jaws dropping, "What the…" exclaimed simultaneously from both of them. Melanie's only response was to turn a deep shade of pink and a weak attempt at a smile, through a massive grimace.

Mel began to stutter a few syllables, but her sister cut her off with an evil grin.

"Yep Mel, you always were a 'hands on' kind a gal, weren't ya. Kinda gives a whole new meaning to 'get a grip', huh…" Sam said while grabbing Freddie's arm and pulling him past the intertwined pair. Sam suddenly stopped and turned to her sister, and grinned:

"We'll talk later, when you're not so busy… when you're not up to your elbows in stuff, when you don't have you're hands full…" Sam said smiling.

Sam again took Freddie's arm and led the stunned boy away toward his car.

* * *

Carly was being very industrious, Gibby thought. When she had asked about the nut vice, he had been worried. But she soon started squeezing the oil out of the Ukoo nuts and collecting it in a small glass vial. After a while, she put the stopper on the vial and turned to Gibby, showing it to him.

"So Carly, are we going to make Ukoo nut ice cream tonight?"

"Well, no…" Carly replied looking at the vial.

"So how come you crushed my nuts?" Gibby asked.

"Oh, you know… for the oil. I thought we could get, um… all slicked up and go for a… ride." Carly purred.

* * *

"Did you see that? Did you see that, Sam! She had both arms down that guys pants! What is your sister doing?" Freddie nearly yelled once Sam got him in the car.

"Well, yeah… I saw her. And she does that all the time. She'll find some guy in tight pants and stuff her arms down into his pants. I don't know, I think it's some genetic thing. Luckily, I don't have that set of genes." Sam smirked.

"Wow! I just don't want her genes in my jeans, ya know?" Freddie said, still staring at where Melanie was in front of the elevator.

By now, she and donkey boy we're both writhing on the floor while Mel attempted to free her arms from the tights. Freddie's jaw dropped, trying to comprehend what Mel was doing.

"Lucky for you, the good sister is here…" Sam said while grabbing Freddie's shirt collar.

Then she pulled him too her, and kissed him.

* * *

**WOW!**

**What's Carly doing?**

**What's Tasha doing?**

**Why was Mel on the ground?**

**Why do you think Freddie was so stunned?**

**Why did the policewoman want to date donkey boy?**

**Why did Melanie want donkey boy to date the police woman?**

**Why did Melanie have her hands and arms down donkey boys pants?**

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	18. The Great Penguin Monkey

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"_Lucky for you, the good sister is here…" Sam said while grabbing Freddie's shirt collar._

_Then she pulled him to her, and kissed him._

**Three's A Crowd **

18. The Great Penguin Monkey

Gibby was locking up the nut shop while Carly waited for him just outside. Soon, sitting in his nutmobile, Carly looked over at him and asked:

"Gibby, you once mentioned something about some special shorts or something. What was that about?"

Gibby had been driving, but immediately found a parking spot and pulled over to the side. He assumed a reverent expression and turned to Carly…

"Yes, that would be my 'Holy Underwear'. The briefs were blessed by The Great Penguin himself in a ceremony attended by hundreds of Penguin Monks." He said solemnly.

Carly looked at him in disbelief for a moment before asking; "You own a pair of underwear blessed by penguin monkeys?"

"No, no no, not penguin monkeys. Penguin Monks! Accolades of the Great Penguin… I personally laid the 'Holy Underwear' at the feet of the Great Penguin and asked for his blessing upon them. It was a very moving experience…" He solemnly replied.

"So, you're telling me some 'Great Penguin Monkey' blessed your underwear?" Carly asked.

"No, not a monkey penguin… the Great Penguin did. That's how I got into the nut business. The Great Penguin suggested it."

Carly stared at Gibby for a couple of moments before saying; "um…"

"Look Carly, let's just go home and I'll show them to you, okay?"

Carly nodded, but was still confused.

* * *

After enjoying a lengthy kiss, Freddie pulled away and rubbed his lips.

"Wow! My lips are toast! What did you mean about you being the 'good sister'?" He said.

"Just what I said… I'm the good one in this sister-dom. Did you say you're lips are toast?" Sam replied.

"Yeah…" Freddie said examining his lips in the rear view mirror. "Look, my lips look kinda red." He said while puckering his lips so Sam could get a better look at them.

Sam chuckled and thought to herself that the jalapeño lip gloss was stronger than she thought it would be.

She went on to explain the situation to Freddie. The Hooligans, Mel's purchasing of Sam-ish clothing and their conversation in the garage… Sam explained everything.

Freddie was stunned.

"Look, you just keep doing the same thing you've been doing. I'll handle Mel." Sam said.

"And… I'm ready to work on us, if you still are." She continued shyly.

"No more of the crap like before?" Freddie asked.

"Nope, but lets just keep things to ourselves for a bit. Melanie can be bitchy if she doesn't get her way. We can hang out with Carly and ugh… Gibby. But until I get the Melanie situation under control we'll have to watch what we do in the house."

Freddie looked contemplative for a bit, but nodded and kissed her on the cheek.

"Okay, get this sister thing fixed then, Sam." He said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

* * *

Melanie was finally able to get her arms out of Ivan's pants, but that happened just as Freddie was pulling out of the parking lot.

She was pissed.

She watched Freddie's car leave the area.

She was even more pissed.

Grabbing 'donkey boy's' arm, she dragged him toward her car, opened the passenger door and pushed him in.

"Hey! Not so rough!" He yelled. He was getting tired of being treated like a slab of meat.

Melanie ignored him, began to walk around the car, but stopped in thought for a moment. Turning to look at her passenger through the windshield, she smiled. A wide, nearly malevolent smile.

Getting into the car, she reached over and ruffled his hair.

"I think its past time to test your skills." She said with a smirk.

* * *

Gibby pulled the nutmobile into his driveway, got out of the car and walked around to open Carly's door. Taking her arm, he led her up the two porch steps and across the porch. Fumbling with his keys, he finally managed to open the front door. He seemed a bit nervous to Carly, and had a grim expression smeared across his face. He explained that he had never, ever shared his holy underwear with anyone else. He said he was worried about the rash of the underwear gods. Carly asked if he had meant the wrath instead of rash. Gibby shook his head and said:

"Not in this case."

Leading Carly to a door that she had assumed was a utility closet; Gibby began the process of unlocking the seven heavy deadbolt locks. Carly hadn't paid much attention to it before, but all the locks on this door were really insane.

Finishing the last lock, Gibby swung the door open. It creaked while doing so. He reached in and flipped on a single switch. It seemed a thousand lights glared on all at once. Candles seemed to light by themselves. A grinding noise was heard from the back wall just as a spotlight swung down from the ceiling and illuminated a small door opening automatically on the back wall. A charcoal colored headless torso, the kind one would find in a department store, began to move toward the center of the room from the small door in the back wall.

The torso was wearing an old, much worn pair of whitey tighty, men's briefs underwear.

Gibby bowed before the underpants wearing torso and hissed at Carly to do the same. She did, but felt as if she was one of the worlds greatest idiots ever minted. But she bowed all the same.

Gibby straightened up, and said in a very reverent, deep booming voice…

"Behold! The blessed Holy Underwear!"

It was at this moment that Carly pulled the vial of Ukoo nut oil out of her purse. Pulling out the front of Gibby's pants, she put the vials cork stopper in her mouth, pulled it out and dumped the contents of the vial down the surprised boy's pants.

* * *

Mel quickly drove back to the Hooligan's headquarters. Entering the building, she noticed no one was around. The place seemed completely deserted. She took Ivan's hand and nearly drug him up the stairs. At the landing Ivan asked what she was doing. She rolled her eyes and asked him if he had any skills. Ivan glanced at her, shrugged his shoulders and said he had plenty of 'skills'.

"I do some of the best laying in the city…" He said.

Melanie was giddy with anticipation! She took the boys hand again and began dragging him to the room she had remodeled. Ivan stopped her, and explained that he needed to go to his room and get prepared if she wanted a good lay.

Melanie's eyes widened. "You mean, you have toys?" She asked huskily.

"Well, yeah, of course. But more like tools of the trade, you know…" He replied.

Melanie couldn't believe her luck. She was bouncing with excitement! She pushed him toward his room and told him to hurry, and not to bother knocking when he returned. Entering her room, she looked around. It was perfect. The room had dim lighting, wall to wall mirrors and another huge mirror on the ceiling over the king sized bed. Perfect!

Melanie instantly stripped off every stitch of clothing she was wearing and tossed them in the closet. She turned to look at the bed and suddenly got a better idea. She pulled back the satin sheets and crawled in. She struck a number of suggestive poses until deciding on one that was guaranteed to make him go insane with lust…

Just then the door opened slowly, and Ivan sauntered in wearing a white shirt and white overalls. He was carrying a bucket and a trowel. He looked at her with no interest at all while he said:

"Alright, what do you want built and where are the bricks I'll need to lay?"

* * *

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	19. Battle Flags

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"_Alright, what do you want built and where are the bricks I'll need to lay?"_

**Three's A Crowd **

19. Battle Flags

Gibby fell to the floor. He was writhing and flopping about while foaming at the mouth. Carly stepped back, horrified! He started yelling "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!" over and over and over… the ya ya's were upon him.

* * *

Sam dug her phone out of her pocket and dialed. Freddie looked over at her and raised his eyebrows. A silent 'who are you calling' gesture. Sam grinned at him and held up her finger, indicating to Freddie that she would answer all in a moment.

"Hi HM! Sam here… yeah… I know, I know… look, just keep her busy for an hour or two, k?... She's with Ivan?... Perfect!... You guys finished her room? Wow!... Good, yeah, he'll keep her guessing. Okay, I need another favor… Nothing outlandish, just keep me up to date on her whereabouts… Yeah, thanks… and look. She's not going to get anywhere with him anyway, so don't worry… No, I haven't said a thing to her yet, but I will… uh huh… yep… oh, sure! Not a prob at all… I'll take care of that for you… Okay, you are the best you know… thanks, and don't forget to give me a call when she leaves… Thanks again, Bye.

Sam closed her phone and turned to Freddie: "Just checking on my sister… We have some business at home, let's go."

Freddie nodded while continuing to drive. "That's where we're heading." He said.

* * *

"BRICKS! WHADDAYAMEAN BRICKS!" Melanie screamed at Ivan.

Ivan shrugged. "Yeah, bricks… I'm a brick mason. One of the best in Seattle! I can lay a line of bricks so straight… You won't believe it until you see it… So what is it you want built?"

Melanie didn't know how to deal with this. She had never been ignored like this before! Especially while laying naked under super thin satin sheets that left almost nothing to the imagination!

She began to say something when there was a knock on the door. Ivan shrugged again, turned and opened it.

* * *

Gibby was still writhing on the floor. Carly had backed up against the door, wondering just what the heck she had done! Suddenly, he quieted down and was laying still. His eyes were wide, his mouth open but no sound was heard. Then Gibby's pants began to tent, and grow. Then grow some more. His pants zipper started popping, shooting small bits of metal from the zipper around the room like shrapnel. The very fabric of his pants started to rip and unravel… then nothing… quiet.

Gibby propped himself up slightly on his elbows. He looked down at himself with a dazed and confused expression playing across his face. He looked at Carly and began to say something when his pants ripped off his body and flew across the room! There was a loud 'SPROING' as if a spring under massive amounts of pressure was unreeling!

* * *

Freddie pulled into the driveway of their shared home, shut off the car and turned to Sam. Before he could say a word, she had opened her door and got out. She walked around the car and was waiting impatiently by his door. He got out, wondering just what the heck was going on. Sam grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house, up the stairs and into his room. She pushed him on his bed, turned and walked back over to the door, closed it and locked it. Turning back toward Freddie, she smiled as she began pulling off her shirt while walking slowly to him…

* * *

Ivan nodded and said, "Hey boss." while opening the door. Hooliganus Maximus stepped into the room, looked around for a moment and nodded at Melanie.

"Ivan, why don't you go finish working on the flower planters behind the club house." HM said.

Ivan nodded, gathered his tools, and left.

HM walked over to the bed and sat down. "Busy?" he asked Melanie.

"Ummm, might be in a bit… What did you have in mind?" She purred.

* * *

By the time Sam got to the side of the bed, all that was left on were her socks. Freddie was speechless. Maybe even a bit dazed. His mouth hung open and a tiny bit of drool was forming on his lip. Sure, they had made out while they were together before, but nothing like this. Sam pulled off his shoes, unbuttoned his jeans and worked them off. Next, she pulled off his shirt. Finally, her socks and his boxers… She crawled on top of him, kissed him and told him in her most seductive voice: "We're going to resume our relationship with a bang…" And they did just that.

* * *

Carly was appalled!

What had she done!

This… THING was nearly four feet long and standing straight up like a soldier at attention!

Oddly enough the 'thing' had the remains of Gibby's underwear wrapped around the tip of itself. It reminded her of an old battle torn flag.

Gibby seemed to be breathing normally, but had passed out. Carly moved slowly, cautiously toward him. Suddenly, the thing seemed to sense her presence. It moved, ever so slightly in her direction. She stopped, unsure… then continued to Gibby. She knelt down beside him and began to gently pat him on the cheek, trying to awaken the pants less boy.

Something was tapping on her thigh. She turned her head, expecting it to be Gibby's hand… It wasn't. She slapped the thing away… and it hissed at her!

* * *

"Sam… that was just…" Freddie said.

"Yeah, it was, huh." Sam replied.

Freddie was about to say something else, but his cell phone announced an incoming text message. Sam reached into the pocket of his discarded jeans and opened his phone…

"Freddie, I'm so sorry… It says your Uncle Dan was killed!" Sam said.

"I don't have an Uncle Dan… guess it's a wrong number." He leaned over to read the text with her…

"Hmmm… it says Uncle Dan was killed when he got run over by a cotton picker. And that it's just as well. Now the sheep won't be bothered… Dan must have been something, eh?" Freddie said.

"Eww.. The sheep? Dan must have been a real perv…" Sam replied.

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	20. Seattle Sunrise

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"_Hmmm… it says Uncle Dan was killed when he got run over by a cotton picker. And that it's just as well. Now the sheep won't be bothered… Dan must have been something, eh?" Freddie said._

"_Eww.. The sheep? Dan must have been a real perv…" Sam replied._

* * *

**Three's A Crowd **

20. Seattle Sunrise

Melanie was in the 'just waking up – not quite awake' state. She was thinking that that was just the best all round mattress pounding she had ever experienced, when she noticed something different:

Quiet, steady, rhythmic breathing… It was right next to her. She could feel the warm breath on her shoulder.

This was far from her 'first time' but almost every single previous time she had awoke to an empty bed. Her take was that she was indeed the queen of 'hump n jump'. But not this time, maybe. Something warm was right next to her, and there was something just as warm wrapped around her waist.

She was afraid to open her eyes.

* * *

Carly knew she had to get Gibby to a doctor right away. It had been over four hours and NOTHING had changed. The 'thing' was still as aggressive and long as it had been before. Maybe even a bit worse!

First, she had to control 'the thing'. That would be hard enough. Gibby was still unconscious, but his color was good and his breathing regular. She had picked up a few items from around the house that she thought she could use. First were a pair of scissors and the remains of Gibby's Levi's. She cut some strips of denim from the ruined pants and set them aside. She had also got some sweat pants from his closet. She knew this would be the tricky part, but she had to control 'the thing' somehow. She sat down by Gibby's ankle and let it begin 'sniffing' around the calf of her leg. When it was good and preoccupied, she grabbed it just below its 'head' with both hands.

Suffice to say, 'IT' was not happy. 'The thing' began to thrash around like a garden hose under to much pressure. She climbed over the top of Gibby's right leg while still holding 'the thing' just below its head. Pinning most of it against his leg, she used a strip of the denim to tie it securely to Gibby's leg just above his right ankle. She used another strip of material just below his knee, and yet another just above his knee. The thing was writhing and hissing like a mad snake, but seemed under control.

* * *

Sam and Freddie were just waking up, well, more like Sam was waking up and roughly 'nudging' Freddie awake. He woke with a start, looked around and decided that Sam needed to be attacked by the kissing monster. One thing led to another until a different kind of monster rose to the occasion.

* * *

Mel finally opened her eyes. Yep, he was still there. She felt… giddy. Heck, this had never happened before. She looked at him for a bit and decided that this was pretty good, this waking up with him. It had happened once before, but only because she had forgot to unlock the furry handcuffs. She remembered how pissed off that guy was. This guy was still here though. He could have left anytime during the night and she wouldn't have thought anything about it. But here he was, here, beside her, one arm wrapped around her… how odd she felt. Then she remembered 'the look'. The way he looked at her. This guy actually looked at her while they were… and she had looked back while they were… She remembered… she watched him the whole time. Another first! She'd never even thought about doing that before, looking at him while… She knew 'the look' and the looking wasn't constant but…

'Holy smokes!' she thought, 'now what?'

* * *

Carly gently patted Gibby's cheek to try and wake him. After a moment, his eyes fluttered and he groggily sat up. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open when he noticed his 'predicament'.

"Carly, how much did you…" Gibby started to ask.

"The whole vial." She replied interrupting him.

"Damn!" Was all he said.

"I've got to get you to a doctor." Carly said helping him stand. His right leg, the leg 'it' was tied to, suddenly began to twitch and move around on its own. It was jerkily moving Gibby closer to Carly with each passing moment.

"Um… what are you doing Gib?" Carly asked, her eyes getting wider with each jerk toward her.

"I'm not doing a thing, IT is. Move away from me." Gibby told her.

She did so, and his jerking slowed, and then stopped. Carly tossed him a pair of sweat pants and he pulled them on.

"Why were you walking funny, you know, jerky and all?" She asked.

"I told you Carly, it's moving me, and I'm not doing a thing. It senses females I think. When you moved away it stopped. You're right; I need to see a doctor, but not just any doctor. I need to see Dr. Krotchery. He's in Southern California, and I need to see him now!"

* * *

Freddie was dreaming. He dreamt that there was a large dog just behind him, growling and chasing him. He woke suddenly and took his bearings, and remembered. Sam was lying in his arms snoring slightly, but her stomach was making this noise like a chain saw. He smiled, and slowly and gently untangled from her. Tossing on his robe, he went downstairs and took two of the packaged breakfasts out of the freezer. One was labeled 'Chicken Fried Steak' while the other was labeled 'Meat Lovers'. These two should do for Sam, he thought. He started coffee and made himself some toast while nuking the others for Sam. After they were hot, he combined the breakfasts onto a single plate, grabbed two cups of coffee, put the heaping plate on a serving tray along with some toast and went back upstairs. He could hear her stomach still growling as he reached the top of the stairs. Setting the tray on his dresser, he gently nudged Sam awake. She sat up in bed and began to stretch. Freddie was rubbing his arm, where Sam had hit him while she was waking up. By the time she smacked her lips a few times, yawned and opened her eyes, the tray was over her lap. Sam smiled, and attempted to warn Freddie about standing back or using a broom stick the next time he wanted to wake her. Unfortunately, every word she spoke was muffled by the huge mouthfuls of food she was ingesting. He couldn't understand a thing she said.

* * *

Melanie was going to have to wake up HM soon, she thought. She had an incipient need to tell him everything about her sister and Freddie… everything. But suddenly, she just wasn't interested in Freddie. She was interested in… Damn! This guy!

Well, regardless, she still wasn't going to stop her plans involving her sister and Freddie. She just needed to modify the plan a bit.

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	21. Tripods and Poles

_Melanie was going to have to wake up HM soon, she thought. She had an incipient need to tell him everything about her sister and Freddie… everything. But suddenly, she just wasn't interested in Freddie. She was interested in… Damn! This guy!_

_Well, regardless, she still wasn't going to stop her plans involving her sister and Freddie. She just needed to modify the plan a bit._

* * *

**Three's A Crowd **

21. Tripods and Poles

Carly thought about how she could get Gibby to Southern California. He was adamant about seeing this Dr. Krotchery, so…

* * *

Freddie sat on the edge of his bed. He'd had this strange idea brewing for the last few minutes, but he needed some more information. He could get it all from Sam…

Sam was just finishing her breakfast in bed. Freddie was actually amazed that the bed sheets were completely stain free. She normally managed to get food stains on whatever she was wearing, but not this morning. He grinned; he liked what he saw, since all she was 'wearing' was the sheets…

"So, Sam… You've got Mel hooked up with the head guy over at the hooligan outfit, right?" Freddie asked.

Sam took a sip of her coffee and nodded.

"Well, that was his idea, HM's… I was going to just let her hook up with Ivan, but HM asked me if I minded it being him instead. I guess he likes her or something." She replied.

"So, you mentioned that I should let you handle your sister… I'm curious, what is it that you need to do?" Freddie asked munching on his toast.

"Well, knowing Mel, I'm pretty sure that she'll still want to use you for a boy toy… or maybe not. I don't think she's ever had any of her guys actually care for her. Well have to see what she does." Sam said.

"Well, I've got this idea about how to put a stop to all this insanity…" Freddie said.

"Oh yeah? What big idea have you come up with?" Sam asked slightly sarcastically.

"Marry me." Freddie stated simply.

* * *

Carly knew that she would never be able to get Gibby on an airplane. Not like this, so they would have to drive. She and Gibby discussed it, and decided to take the 'nut mobile' since it was larger. If they took turns driving they could be at Dr. Krotchery's in about twenty hours.

* * *

Sam looked stunned…

"Marry you…" she mumbled.

"Yeah, marry me. I mean we already know each other. It's not like were strangers. Let's just… get it over with." Freddie said.

Sam began to smile…

"Do you know…" She started to say.

"So you will?" Freddie interrupted.

"… how pissed off Melanie would be! Hell yes! Let's do it!" Sam continued.

Freddie looked her up and down for a moment before he said:

"So, you're only going to marry me to make Mel mad?"

Sam was lost in thought, until he finished his question. She popped out of her reverie, got out of bed and smacked Freddie hard on the back of the head, then kissed him.

"Noooo ya nub. Pissing off Mel is just a plus. We would have gotten married anyway, eventually. Why not do it now when I can get in a little collateral damage with my sister! It's a huge win win!" Sam replied.

"When then?" Freddie grinned.

"Soon, and you don't even have to buy rings… got my grandmothers and grandfathers. C'mon, let's go tell Mel…" Sam said as she pushed Freddie into the bathroom so they could get ready.

* * *

Carly and Gibby got the car loaded up, gassed up and got on the road. Interstate 5 South… in a little less than a day they would be in Los Angeles, and hopefully, get Gibby 'fixed'.

* * *

Melanie was stunned… Hooliganus Maximus had just told her he loved her. She was staring right through him, waiting for what he'd just told her to process. She didn't know what to say… Finally, he looked at her, stammered a moment, and got up to leave. He turned the door handle and opened the door…

"WAIT!" Melanie called to him.

* * *

Freddie was waiting for Sam to finish getting ready to go. He wasn't sure he liked the reasons She was so… 'Enthusiastic', but he'd roll with it. He knew this would be where they ended up also. If Sam had ulterior motives, she wouldn't have agreed to marry him. Her motives were clear, out in the open. She did want to marry him. It seems just as much as he wanted to marry her. It was just that she had this side game going on, and, well… it was Sam…

* * *

HM turned back toward Melanie, who was still in bed. She looked at him for a moment, and then motioned for him to come back inside. He did. She patted a place beside her on the bed and asked him to sit. They had a lot to talk about.

* * *

Freddie parked his car in front of the Hooligan's building. They walked up to the door just in time to see the door open and Melanie and HM come out.

"We just came over to see you." Sam said to her sister.

"We were just on our way over to see you." Melanie replied.

They both stood, looking at each other for a moment and then both said at the same time:

"I'M GETTING MARRIED!"

Silence…

"You're getting married?" Melanie asked Sam.

"Uh huh! You too?" Sam asked.

They stared at each other for a moment, then suddenly embraced, shrieked and and began talking to each other about wedding plans. In a few more unintelligible moments they both went inside, ignoring their guys. HM and Freddie looked at each other, shrugged and followed them in.

* * *

Gibby and Carly pulled up and parked in front of Dr. Krotchery's office the next afternoon. They were both tired from the drive, but Gibby insisted on seeing the doctor right away. After a short while waiting in the reception area, Gibby was asked to step into the examination room, alone. Carly was a nervous wreck, but so tired she dozed off while waiting. Suddenly she awoke while being gently shaken by the nurse, who asked her to step into the examination room with the doctor and Gibby.

Bad news… the results of the use of that amount of Ukoo oil is irreversible. Gibby would be like this, forever…

* * *

The twins decided to have a dual ceremony right there at the Hooligan Building, with a reception to follow. Both HM and Freddie had fallen asleep in their chairs. Feverish planning was taking place. It's not a place for the faint of heart when the Puckett girls are planning…

* * *

Later that afternoon, Carly and Gibby were sitting in the sand at Venice Beach Park. Neither had said a word to each other since leaving the doctors office. Suddenly, Carly had an idea. She smiled, leaned over and whispered something into Gibby's ear. He suddenly had a huge grin that was only growing wider by the minute.

It was decided that Sam and Freddie would live in the former Puckett, and now Benson home. Melanie would move in to the Hooligan building to take over the duties of Hooligan Princes. Mel was so happy she nearly cried. The Hooligan Princes job included a tiara.

* * *

The two were billed as 'Tripod the Love God and the lovely Carlotta'. Gibby and Carly were the newest hit in all the strip clubs in the Southern California area. Carly did a pole dance, using only Gibby as her prop. It was the talk of the town.

* * *

Norm and Tasha were still just as before. They had already worked their way up to being the patron saints of the clueless.

* * *

The wedding went wonderfully, the reception even better. But afterward, Melanie complained that her honeymoon was 'shitty'. Sam never did say a word about it, but she had noticed that the box of teeth whitening powder was missing, and Mel's teeth were pearly white.

* * *

_**That's All Folks!**_

* * *

**Read**

**~The CABAL~**

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